Burnt Rice
by SunMoonAndSpoon
Summary: This is a sequel to Everybody Wants Her, and it's another love triangle. Despite obstacles, Tohru and Akito are finally settling down into a stable relationship, and the family couldn't be more ambivalent. And the person most disturbed by it is...Hatori?
1. Bones

A/N: After trying unsuccessfully to banish this idea from my brain, I've decided. I'm writing a sequel to _Everybody Wants Her _and this, my friends, is it. Welcome to _Burnt Rice. _

Now you may not have read this story. You don't need to. While it's recommended, _EWH_ is seventeen chapters long, and I'm not going to make you read something so massive just because you thought this ficcy might be interesting. That wouldn't be fair. _Burnt Rice_ will be continuing from there, so I'll try to give as much back-story as I can. If you don't understand something, either consult the original fic, or ask me about it. The important thing to know is that Tohru's in a committed relationship with Akito, but messed around with Kyo and had his baby, a little girl named Taeko. Kyo killed himself after being banished from the family for doing serious physical harm to Akito, and the baby's being raised as if Akito's her dad. This all sounds strange when it's summarized, but the story wouldn't be so long if it weren't developed and sense-making! If you _do _want to read _EWH_ you're more than welcome, I myself think that it's pretty good!

To those of you who _have _read, thank you your previous support and continued interest! You've made me into quite the happy pancake, and you're continuing to do so, yay!

Anyway! Like _Everybody Wants Her_, _Burnt Rice_ will focus on a love triangle, but since Kyo-kun's dead, it can't really be the same one as before without resorting to necrophilia. Taking Kyo's place will be Hatori, and Tohru and Akito shall be switching roles, Akito's the one they're vying for instead.

Alright, I'm shutting up now. Read on and enjoy!

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Burnt Rice

Chapter One – Bones

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He is lying in his bed destroyed for days before he understands what's happened. His people spin like pinwheels through the crannies of his shell-shocked brain. Aki's going through the whole damn Zodiac, picking through them just to see if they're okay. One of them has died, Aki has to find the missing piece or he'll go mad.

One by one he calls them in, waits in agony to see his subject's faces. Their cold and guarded greetings fill him secretly with joy, and he doesn't tell them their afflicted comrade's gone. These morons wouldn't get the way he knows. As God it simply comes to him, he is suffering an empty space.

Time passes and he sees each one of them alive. He fights with Haru over his crummy hair, tells Shigure he needs a real job. None of this matters but he needs reasons to see them, innocuous ones that won't leave scars. He goes slowly down the list and none of them are gone. That leaves the one he cares the least for, the one that's burned like lye-marks in his mind.

Sohma Kyo, the imprisoned little kitty cat who brought about the rape of God. It settles in with bitter certainty, he is the one who died.

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Some time goes by before he tells her. Akito's not sure if it's okay to say this thing to Tohru first. He doesn't want to think that this concerns her, that it matters to his darling if her baby-daddy's dead. And she's still not quite a Sohma, Tohru's like blood flying into broken veins to save the day, vital but not arising from the system. Because of this he can't be sure she'll understand, believe him when he tells her Kyo is gone.

And, finally, Aki doesn't want to see her cry. Not for Kyo.

In the end he calls her in, Tohru with her daughter squawking softly in her arms. She smiles at him rather blandly, says she hopes he's feeling better than he was this morning. He can't recall the morning and he guesses that that means that things were bad. "Hatori-san's about to leave," she says, "he's going to talk to Shigure about Yuki-kun…he thinks it's time for him to go home, but the cleaning's barely gotten anywhere. He wanted me to tell you that he's sorry for going off, and that you should say now if you need anything before he leaves. I was just about to come in and say that, but you called me…good timing, huh?"

"You're rambling," Akito rasps, glaring past his bandaged dangling leg to look at her. "I don't even know what you…what you said. I d-didn't, I didn't call you in to t-talk about, about Hari. T-this is, this is important."

She says she's sorry easier than her own breathing, though she cannot fathom what means more than caring for Akito's health. "I just have to know this one thing," she whispers, "just tell me if you need anything, Hatori might not be back all day."

"If I tell you then you'll leave the room, and I don't trust you enough to let you do that. S-sit down, y-you need to, need to listen to me…" As he trails off his neck starts drooping, Akito's mumbling, "fucking hell my _head_…"

Tohru wants to rush right into fixing this, to making Aki better though she knows not what to do. Enough time's passed so that she knows what pills, but Tohru isn't confident, her instincts claw for Hatori to come and help. But her Aki's glaring cruelly, Aki wants to get this over with and go to sleep. She stays standing.

"C-can that kid, can that k-kid…can it u-understand me? I mean, h-has it, has it stopped being stupid? Is it old enough?" He's stalling though he wants it done, he's dreading her reaction. The shrieking of the recently bereaved will grind his head down like a bug into the tiled floor. He will die, he will be broken when she bursts into tears. She will die when she hears this.

"I think she…no." Tohru shakes her head, sits down with Taeko cuddled close. Aki drums his fingers and she wonders if she's spoken wrong, if she should have said what she believes, her little girl knows everything. With Akito one never knows, and she doesn't want him thinking that she's stupid. "Whatever it is, you can tell me, she won't…she's too young for it to matter. Just…just say it, Akito."

He rolls his eyes up in his skull, coughs harshly as he starts to laugh, no there's nothing funny and his lungs are scorched, it doesn't matter because he simply cannot stop this. Kyo's dead. Kyo's dead and he should be so happy, he hates him and he's wanted this for ages, _the bastard fucking raped him, _but there's Tohru. Lovely little Tohru leaning into him alarmed. "What's funny?" she asks, "I don't understand…"

"Kyo's dead!" he says, voice crackling. "I don't know why but he, he's dead! Go ahead, cry you little prostitute, _burst into tears for me!" _

It takes some time for this to register, for a time she can't do much but watch Akito throw his head back, laugh hysterically. He's hyperventilating, soon Tohru's breathing matches his and she starts screaming. Her throat reddens and raws and the baby joins in, Akito's neck snaps forward and her slaps her. "You're just making noise 'cause I am," he accuses, "you're j-just reacting, you, you don't even know what I fucking _said. _Tell me what I said you stupid whore!"

She sniffles, wipes her watery eyes and says he told her Kyo was dead. "I wouldn't have screamed like that, it's just that you were _laughing _when you told me and well…that scared me. And I guess we both scared Taeko-chan…you…you didn't _mean _that, did you Akito?"

"Yes," he tells her, reaching for the infant past the few remaining needles in his arms. "I know you don't think highly of my _morals _Tohru, but I wouldn't fucking lie to you. You've lied enough for both of us, I think. Anyway this little monster's dad is dead. So, that's it. That's all I wanted to tell you, so go get Hari for me. Go away."

Tohru sits there with her small mouth hanging open, she grabs his feeble hand and begs with burning eyes for more. "But Akito you have to tell me what happened!You can't just say he's dead and then just _stop, _you have to tell me _how! _I mean maybe you don't know but if that's true then you should _say _so Akito…" She trails off, overtired. Now she doesn't want to know, now she wants her baby back because he's crazy, Akito's begun to giggle. "Stop laughing!" she squeaks, "it's not funny when someone else is _dead _Akito, I know you hate him but it's _not!" _

This is ringing bells that she doesn't want rung. Tohru-kun's replaying the start of this nightmare, the day she snapped at Kyo for taking sickness lightly, for being glad that Yuki-kun was ill. This was when he kissed her, when who and what they were began its terrible mutation. This space is sacred, it's killing her to stay here and she's snapped out of it when Akito starts to cough.

Yes. Recent sickness and the here and now. "Aki, Aki sweetie just try to calm down okay, are you feeling alright? Maybe, m-maybe you're just saying these things because you're sick, Hari says you've had a fever and that might mean you're not in your right mind…"

"I am in my right mind!" he snaps, coughs driving spikes through each and every word. "I'm telling you, Kyo is dead! My Zodiac is broken Tohru, I think that I would know!"

"So tell me how it happened," Tohru says, watching warily the way he holds her girl. Akito can't be bothered to support the child's head, hell he doesn't even know that he's supposed to. All he knows is that he needs this closeness, that with Kyo-kun gone he'll have to find a reason not to hate this baby girl.

"I have no idea," he tells her, hacking endlessly into the child's face, Taeko doesn't like this and she's crying for her mom. "I just, all I know is that he isn't in the world now. A space has opened up for another cat. I have n-no proof, but this is the, the d-deepest knowledge t-that there is, f-for me…"

"So you didn't see him," she says, relieved 'cause this could mean that it's not true, that Aki's lying or deranged. Not that she'd be pleased with either meaning, but she'd prefer them to the death of Kyo. So she can't believe it, won't believe it 'til she sees his rotting corpse. And when she tells him that Akito just gets mad, goes red-faced with his rage and balls his fists. He's powerless, shattered leg trapping him in bed and that just kills him, Aki's not okay with being doubted.

"I _know," _he snarls, "it doesn't matter what I saw, I _know. _If you don't trust me then _fuck you, _just get Hatori and go."

She does. It sears her soul to separate, but Akito is no Poor Baby now, so she gets Hatori and she goes.

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Tohru stalks outside sans Taeko-chan, face flaming with blood because whatever just occurred was wrong. Her Akito was clearly pained, but the things he said were vicious lies, sickness spewed for senseless reasons. She can't accept that what he's saying might be so, that Kyo is gone because he feels it, knows it in his broken bones. No, Kyo's setting up a life somewhere, he's meeting girls and life is beautiful, there's no reason in the world he should be dead.

She paces back and forth, thinking that she's handled Aki wrong, she's pissed him off beyond repair and she's to leave here. If that's not the case by now it will be soon, she's got to get to Hatori before he goes, mull on this some other time so she can catch him.

It takes little effort, all that's needed is for her to storm the main gate, tell Hari in a huff that Aki wants him, she's not sure why but she suspects the usual, he'd like some painkillers, Dilaudid or something else stat. "Thanks," he tells her, fleeing before she can say a word, heading fast into the world where he is needed. Tohru wants to call him back, tell him that Akito's talking crazy and be reassured that what he's saying really is insane. But he's left her and she thinks she hears her daughter screaming, Taeko bouncing off the treetops when she's really in Akito's arms.

All of this is unacceptable, she's overwrought and pacing but there's nothing she can do. So she figures that she'll seek out Yuki, talk to him about his going home because she doubts she'll see him much when he departs. She doesn't miss him a bit right now, but she's sure that she will later, and if her mind's on Aki and the awful things he said she'll fall apart, go crazy in the flowerbed she's trying not to trample.

And that aside, Tohru's learning fast that she can't go long without hearing someone cough. Like a city girl grown used to traffic, the landscape in her head seems blank and static if she's denied these small sick sounds. Yuki will provide, Yuki will do until she's let back into bed with Akito.

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Hari runs inside, face drawn and hair mussed up, he's trying not to show how hard he's panting. It's slightly sacrilegious to seem sick in front of Akito, which he's not, or tired, which he is, Hatori's goddamn exhausted. So he sits on the bed, blinking rapidly as he waits for his heartbeat to slow. If he could just get more sleep he'd be okay, but that's impossible, he's got to be on call if Aki needs him. "Hello Akito," he says, turning around the look at the shivering god. "Tohru tells me that you need some medication."

Akito works his sweaty way into sitting position, gasps wetly as he glances up past Taeko's squirmy limbs. She's shunted aside, ignored as she settles into fitful slumber, the little girl's dreams already wrecked up by her dad. "Y-you should know," he says, gearing up for the irrelevant, for a repeat performance that he hopes Hatori will believe. "Kyo's dead. T-tohru, Tohru-kun doesn't believe me. But she, she's not a Sohma, and she's fucking stupid. H-hari, you know that I can s-sense these things, right? I don't have to try and justify myself to…" He trails off, spent and close to death for several seconds.

Hari's hardly even heard him; to him these words are simply febrile nothings, the ravings of a sick sick boy. So he holds off on responding, glides his hand past Aki's forehead, oily with illness and blazing in pain. "You have a fever," he tells him, voice soft as if he's breaking bad news, something that's not plain to him already. "You should get some sleep."

"Hatori!" he shouts, voice wracked with rasping and he's short-circuiting, sacred and scared. "I'm trying to…tell you something, none of you s-stupid, stupid fucks are _listening…"_

"You're dreaming," he tells him, "what you think you know when you're sick isn't always what's real. The most important thing right now is that you rest." And then, he can't help it, Hatori apes Tohru-kun and runs his fingers through Akito's limp hair. "You've been through hell," he says, "and there's no way you're going to get better unless you sleep."

"Don't _patronize _me Hatori," snarls Akito, clutching the bed sheets and cursing his arthritis, even simple gestures are too much for him and Hatori is right. Still he's less than thrilled that Hari sees him simply for his weakness, that he cannot put the fear in him the way he has before. He's God and he wishes to retain that, but aside from that he's sleepy, his eyes are aching and he's influenced too much by fever and knock-you-out drugs. "Kyo's dead," he says, ripping his hands out of twisted position. "I'll go to sleep, but Hatori you need to do something about that."

He agrees and thinks he'll maybe mention it to Shigure, its not like he believes him but it's best to say he'll see it through. Though their very existence is mired in magic, Hari has a hard time with the irrational details of the curse. Akito can't know without knowing, he's God but he's pathetic, there's nothing about him that's psychic or surreal.

Before he turns to go he asks Akito if his pain's been sufficiently killed. "Tohru says that you need meds, but you're on schedule with everything, so…I suppose it's up to you. Do you think the Dilaudid that you had this morning is going to hold you?"

"'S fine…" Aki slurs, twiddling with sleeping Taeko's tiny hands. She wakes and flinches, flails around like a firework as she screams out for her mom. "My head hurts, Taeko looks like she's exploding…it doesn't matter though, 'cause, Kyo's dead…I hate him but my Zodiac is broken so…" And he rambles on, just spewing the same things he's been saying all this time, vague muttering's that his whole world's been destroyed.

"Akito," says Hari in a tone that tries to be stern but comes out pleading, he wants him normal, sleeping now so that it's safe for him to leave. He does not want to see the sickness swirling in his dear lord's eyes, the manic insistence that would reach horrible proportions could he move. "Akito please. Kyo's left us but he isn't dead. You need to understand that and you need to go to sleep. Didn't you just promise me you'd do that?"

"I'm _empty," _he tells him, choking back tears because God ought not to cry for Kyo. All the human bits in him are filled with loathing, but the god's bereft, the god is calling out for the cat to complete him. The empty space is stark and scary, it gets him curling up as best he can and trying not to scream. "E-even, even if you're too stupid to believe me, you should understand that this is _painful…_I…I want to…I _need_ to…I need to suck on your hand Hatori!"

Neither one of them is sure exactly where this comes from. It's a strange request, a strange desire, and when it pops from Aki's swollen lips he doesn't want it. He looks it over, scrutinizing the paw that he's demanded as he wonders why in hell he's asked for this. _This is disgusting,_ he thinks, _this will make me sick. _

Hatori's not helping, he's quiet and he asks his lord no questions. It may be strange but how can he deny the kid small comforts? He told him he was empty, he must be needing filling and it's better, much better than the other things that he could try. Akito could be cramming food down his throat, tossing it later 'cause his guts can't take the job. Or he could fill up with fucking, leave body and mind a miserable wreck. So this is odd but he understands it, and anyway it doesn't matter if he wants this thing or not, Akito's begun to demand it. "Give me your hand!" he snarls, ripping through the air for it and all he knows is that Hatori just has to do what he is told.

He does. He insists on washing his hands first, but after a quick stop off at the sink, he's huddled by the bed with his arm outstretched, letting Akito drip spit onto his fingers 'til he slides off into restless sleep. And then he leaves him, taking Taeko with him since a child should not be there for the hell that always comes when God wakes up alone.

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Nana: Alright, well I'm hoping you enjoyed that! I know the hand thing was kind of weird, but I loved the idea too much to toss. Looks to me like it worked, but I'm the writer, not the reader, and I want to know what the_ reader _thinks, about that and the story as a whole. Anyhow, I'll come back with another chapter relatively soon, provided my school doesn't overload me with too much work at the last minute. So keep a look out for that, review me, and have a great day!


	2. Hokkaido

A/N: Hi, and welcome back. First off I want to say I'm sorry for taking so long…I've only able to pound out about 350 words a day, due to a combination of too much homework, writer's block, and an addiction to Minesweeper. But here it is, chapter two for your enjoyment. It's shorter than I meant for it to be, I decided to leave the last part for chapter three.

Well let's see. Warnings. First of all, it's gross. That's part of why I decided to split up the chapter, I thought that two 'disgusting things' in one chapter is a bit much. But those of you who read _Everybody Wants Her _should be used to this already, and I'm hoping that _maybe _some of you appreciate it. Anyway, enough of my babbling, it's time for you to read!

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Burnt Rice

Chapter Two – Hokkaido

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Hatori's greeted at Shigure's place with badly played guitar chords, a loud whine wailing about food. _"I! Like! O-Ni-Gi-Ri, I! Miss! O-Ni-Gi-Ri! Leeks are tasty too! And also ah…_er…line…? _I! Like! O-Ni-Gi-Riiiii!" _

"Excuse me?" Hari ventures, wondering if he's got the house right, if this is a terrible recording or his cousin playing live. Shigure's never been musical but this is atrocious, Hatori's shamed and praying that the neighbors live too far away to hear this. "Shigure, what in the world are you…could you stop it with that horrible noise and come out here please?"

He walks out and waves at him, smiling and sweaty like he's done nothing strange or scorn-worthy, like he hasn't been assaulting Hari's ears. "Hey Ha-san, what's up?" he says, adjusting the strap that bonds the instrument to him. He looks uncomfortable, lopsided, and Hatori's wondering if he should be possibly laughing.

"What were you _doing?" _he wonders, letting an arid chuckle slip into his speech as he steps near him. "That sounded _terrible." _

Eyes open wide he whines like a puppy, Shigure's mocking the curse the way none of them could. "Well I just wanted to try something _new _Hari, I've been cleaning out the house all day, I needed a break!"

"Cleaning's not new for you?" he asks, laughing still despite the fact of being serious. He shoves his fists in baggy pockets, tells Shigure that as a writer he ought to be able to come up with something better than _I like onigiri. _He expects the man to get defensive, pissed because he's used to Akito, he's antagonistic because he feels he ought to be like God. Which is ridiculous, but Hari's snappish all the same. Shigure just keeps on grinning.

"Lyrics aren't easy and they're not my expertise," he tells him, fiddling with the strings of the guitar. "I was just making it up as I went along, I was trying to think of food that reminds me of the kids…Tohru had all these metaphors about rice, and she made kick-ass onigiri…Kyo really hates leeks…and I can't really think of anything for Yuki-kun. But yeah, I don't even know how to play this thing!"

"I can see that," Hari says, "and I don't understand why you're trying something this useless when you should be cleaning up. or doing your job. Especially when you seem to miss the kids so much that you're making up ridiculous songs about them."

"You're just a big fat bucket of sunshine today, aren't you Ha-san?" Shi-chan says, hands on his hips as he squares his jaw, he's stressed himself and in no mood for his cousin's stoic irritation. "You're no fun. Ayame's fun, I should have him over later, play my 'ridiculous song' for him, he'll laugh. Anyway so you're here for a reason, right? Why don't you come in?"

And so they slip inside, guitar banging soft against Shigure's left leg. "I think I have some snacks or something…I must, I mean I haven't had any time to _cook _anything, and it's not like I know how. I've got some yakitori I could heat up, or do you just want something to drink…augh. Look at me. I'm acting like Tohru-kun. Just sit down."

"You really miss them, don't you?" Hari asks, sitting uneasy on the edge of a half-broken chair. Shigure nods, tosses a can of beer towards him that misses and fizzes everywhere. "Well you're not going to see Kyo again. And Tohru's pretty well consigned to the main house. But Yuki…well it's really in his best interest to leave as soon as possible."

"Really," says Shigure, snarky as he rids himself of his guitar. "And why's that, is he having problems with Lord Akito?"

"No, it's just that being around him isn't exactly conducive to Yuki-kun's sanity. I don't know if you heard about what happened with Kyo, but it…well it made Akito remember certain things, and he felt compelled to share these things with Yuki…" He sighs and Shi-chan's eyes lock in on him, he'd been stooped over scooping up the spilled beer can and now he's burning holes in Hari staring.

"You…you'd better not be talking about what I _think _you're talking about, because that had no connection whatsoever to…was it just…did Kyo get out a whip or something?" And both of them know this isn't true, Shigure who hasn't heard the story is nonetheless sure of what went down. Because memories burn acidic even when they aren't his, because long ago he walked past Yuki's room and watched him claw his legs to devastation, listened to him shriek his filth into the floor. No one's told him and he'd never ask, but the signs add up and he's sure. Kyo could never imitate these things, Kyo's not messed up and maniacal like God.

All Hatori can do is look at him. There aren't words for this and Shigure's saying _no no no, _shaking his head because it can't be true, he'd thought so highly of Kyo and it _can't _be. "Hatori, you…you can't _mean _that, I mean, maybe I'm misinterpreting, you didn't actually _say…_is Kyo…did Kyo rape Akito? Is that what you're saying? Because if it wasn't the whip I'm not sure what else it could be. Maybe he got Akito locked in a room…?" This is ridiculous, he's flailing, and Hari tells him that he's right, and he is sorry.

"Shit," says Shigure, falling onto a nearby couch and tilting his head back, "Holy fucking shit. Kyo was such a good kid, why would he…why would he _do _that? I mean, Akito kind of stole Tohru from him, right? Y'think that could be it? Some kind of petty revenge thing? Kyo-kun was always impulsive, always kind of a hothead, but I never thought he'd _rape _anyone. And it was _Akito, _our _God…_is he going to be punished? More than he already is I mean?"

"No," Hari tells him, and he's narrowed his eyes because what's happened with Kyo means absolutely nothing. In his head is only Akito, pitiful and filthy on the floor of Kyo-kun's cage. God suffering still. "No, he left. Akito's saying he's dead, and for all I care he may as well be."

Shigure's not sure which part of that he should respond to, if he should tell him off first for being heartless, or for failing to heed the word of God. Sighing, he lets Hari's unsettling defects slide on by, instead he says that Aki knows these things. "Hatori he should be able to sense this. I mean he knows when _anything _is wrong with us, I remember this one time I got a _rejection slip, _he called me up and asked to see my latest manuscript. Said he really liked it, too."

"Coincidence," he insists, wondering why he's arguing for the side that says that Kyo's alive. He's grown used to forgiveness, to ignoring sin but right now Hatori is angry. At Kyo. In fact you could say that he's furious, that he's seething, pissed as hell. His fists are clenched tight and his teeth are grinding, you could say anything but Hari says nothing, not on this topic because Kyo-kun doesn't merit conversation. "We still need to discuss Yuki's coming here. Do you remember what medication he's supposed to take, or do we need to go over it again?"

Shigure sucks his lips in, kicks his legs and says that he's forgotten. "You wouldn't mind telling me again though, would you Hari?"

"I would," he says, "But I will anyway."

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It's been some time since Yuki-kun's considered liking Honda-san, or Tohru as he's been told so many times he ought to call her. In fact it's been some time since he's even spoken to her, they've not crossed paths since God's revelation. That's mostly his fault, since he hasn't been leaving his room or seeing people. He'd been so sucked into his isolation that honestly, he'd forgotten that there were people, Akito aside, that existed in the world and might be dying of concern.

As it turns out no one cares much, but Honda-san does want to see him. Tohru-kun, she's _been _Tohru-kun, it's just he's fallen so far from her and _lightloveplanetEarthiamnotbreathingiamnotAkitohecanttouchmefindmeinmylittleroom…_ Okay so he hasn't been sane. He's been sobbing into pillows, screaming his lungs into spasms because…because of what happened years ago, what he'd repressed and thought that possibly he'd dealt with but no. He's doing to himself what Aki did. Locking himself up in a little room, alone.

Tohru's at the door. Knocking like the wood is delicate, trying hard to shush her kid as she is waiting. It's an effort, it's tremendous what this breach of solitude takes out of him, for a bit he doesn't want to let her in. He'd like to keep on wallowing, running threads of Akito's abuse through the broken loom of his brain. But Taeko's squawking, Tohru's calling out his name, and he stands up. Opens the door and lets her into his life once more. "Honda-san," he says, "it's…great to…great to see you. Is there some reason why you're here…?"

"I just needed a break," she explains, setting Taeko down and slinking in to sit with him. "Akito's not exactly in the best of moods right now, and he doesn't want me around…I…" she stops, trailing off because she cannot say the rest of it, can't admit she's choosing not to be with God. "I just wanted to see you," she finishes lamely, "I was worried."

"I'm sorry," he tells her, not sure if he ought to say this, if she wants him to think she was worried when she wasn't or if he's genuinely begun to freak her out. Tohru's innocent aura is long gone now, and the reasons for the Sohma's unquestioning love for her are maturing and perhaps disappearing, it's difficult to love the things that Akito holds dear. She's corrupted now, sitting sleepily beside him cuddling the product of her devastation. She's too young for this, but what's the age when being miserable's supposed to be okay? Yuki himself is just as young and he's too wrecked to leave his room.

"Do you want to come outside?" she asks, knowing he's been playing the shut-in, wanting to snap him out of it with pointless banter and friendly company, to distract herself and hear him cough. "We'll take a walk," she says, "it's lovely out and it would do the both of us a lot of good. You can hold Taeko if you'd like, unless you think she'd be too heavy…"

He shakes his head, thinking how sad it is that she sees the weight of an infant as too much for him to handle. And he's about to take her in his arms before he realizes; she's right, he can't. Not for reasons she imagines but the fact that he transforms, he cannot touch this child and though she isn't his it makes him wonder how his mom first felt when she beheld him.

So anyway he just accedes to her, says he'll take the walk because what the hell, he's bored and she's bored and he'll do anything that's asked of him. They come to the door, Tohru-kun slips out into the sun and he stays there, quivering at the self-imposed threshold. "Come on," she says smiling, "it's just a little walk. It'll be fine."

"I…" And he's about to protest, sink straight into the warm little corners of his room, but Tohru's placid grin keeps him going. It's not that he's got a problem with the outside, he's just scared of being punished for exiting the room, of separating from the safe spot away from Akito. From God who's lost all interest in him, who's lying in bed hauled up in traction and Yuki's being ridiculous, this has to stop now. "I'm coming," he says, "just give me a minute."

"Of course," she says, taking his silly fears seriously, smiling as she waits for him to gather the strength to get out of here. She takes his hand and leads him out like a blinded princess, a fragile teacup and he's out the door, coughing lightly and she loves it. Loves him in the moment for filling her need without being Akito.

----------

By this point the empty space has grown suffocating, the weight of death is caught in his throat, filling his insides like a turbulent pocket of air. Akito doesn't want to feel this need for Kyo, and if it weren't so dire that pills couldn't destroy it, he'd just ignore this space and go to sleep. But it's unnatural and it's hurting him, like he hasn't got organs but they're screwing with him all the same.

It gets to where he cannot stand it, to where he's thrashing around as best as he can in his bed, raving nonsense about needing cats, _his _cat, his Zodiac patched up _now. _He's not a proper god without him, and loathing Kyo can't stop the pain of this. "I'll fix it," he says, "I'll make another cat."

And so he tries standing up, and snagged by his traction, he fails. Of course. God forbid that God succeed at anything. "Fuck," he mutters, not into it because he's too exhausted for walking, it's not as if he'd really do this if he could. But still, he's screaming _fuck this shit, _he wants his honeybee here so he can knock her up, and it (doesn't matter that he's nearly impotent) is bad enough that he wants to bang her senseless 'til she floods her panties and it (doesn't matter that he's bed-ridden, dead) makes her scream her throat raw.

He's making noise enough that a worker walks in, not an attendant as he's come to expect, but Hatori's filing girl Midori. She knows little of the medical, and mostly when he's going mad like this what he needs is some treatment, or to speak with somebody who cares. Midori is faceless, a child and he loathes her, he's about to scream her out before he realizes this: she can be used.

"Midori-chan," he purrs, beckoning with brittle fingers. She slinks in to sit by him, kicks her feet and fiddles idly with the settings on her headphones. "Midori-chan, you've been w-work, working here…for some t-time now… yes?" She nods, silent in agreement and Akito clasps her hand. "You know…you know T-tohru-kun, r-right? Can you…can you go find her…please?"

She tells him sure she will, looking puzzled and Akito wants to punch her, he's thinking that she'll wonder what he wants her for, that he'll have to let her know that God wants sex. Not that he's hers but it doesn't matter, she's leaving now not worshipping and he's aching for Tohru-kun, not getting it up but he's dying just to sink inside her, it's not going to fucking work and, and,and…

----------

…and Tohru's walking down a flowered path with Yuki-kun, trying to jiggle the kid into sleep so she can speak with him. They're nervous and they're awkward and they aren't quite sure what they should say, so Tohru's keeping it light, talking of Taeko's development and how she's saying things that sound like mama, she knows it's just gurgling but its sweet all the same. "Akito hasn't really fallen in love with her yet, but he will. She's got a temper like he does, do you see? Look at her snarling like that, isn't she cute?" And it's true; Taeko's looking rather petulant, but when Yuki looks at her bright-red baby face he barely sees her. The name she said has set him off, he's trying to remember the ways that he's repressed this, the times when he was strong and didn't care.

"Yuki?" she says, voice soft with concern and he swallows, says he's sorry, really sorry that he isn't fun right now, that he's making her worry when there's nothing to worry about. And he tells her that yes, her little girl's lovely it's just when she says Akito… "You don't want me to talk about him, do you?" Tohru asks, face drawn into a reluctant frown.

"It's not that," he insists, coughing lightly and it makes her smile, she's happy again and he can't see why, he keeps talking. "I understand that he's important to you and you're going to want to talk about him, I'm not…I'm not saying you shouldn't or anything. It's just that…well right now I'm just thinking about when he…raped me, I'm thinking about it a lot, and some of the other stuff he did so…I'd rather not hear too much about him, if that's okay."

"That's fine," Tohru says, silenced soon after because she's thinking of him, her Aki-baby thrashing out a fever in his bed. When she's close to him he makes her scared, but far away her goals turn into taking care of him, perfecting what can not be made okay.

Conversations die their crib deaths, they suffer through each other's strained company for eons until Midori comes racing out to speak with Tohru-kun. Despite her sprint she's remarkably steady, even smiling as she shuts off her blaring mp3 player. "You're Tohru, right?" she asks, hands on her hips as she stares at them.

"I am," she tells her, guarded because the girl's weirded her out, it doesn't seem right that she's fine after running, that this pseudo-Sohma's fit enough to take it. And then she's infuriated, realizing it's ridiculous but feeling it all the same. This is the girl who Hari berated, the innocent who made her feel so maternal before. Now she can hardly summon those feelings about her own baby, now it's killing her to know that this child is fine. There's nothing to save and she's wasted her sweetness, it isn't fair. "Was there something you wanted Midori-chan?"

"Er, yeah there was, well I mean _I _don't want anything, it's just I'm supposed to get you for Akito-sama." And she re-adjusts her bracelets, looks nervous while Tohru grits her teeth at her. She gives Yuki's hand a quick squeeze and wonders if he's relieved that she's leaving him.

"I'll just keep walking," he says, face pinched with a knotted throat and brimming tears. The thought of Tohru gone from him is just too much, he's going to cry if she goes. And he doesn't _do _that, it's just not him but she's going, turning to go without a goodbye, and the light on her hair has something stirring in him, she looks beautiful.

Then she turns around, saying "Yuki-kun are you alright? I can stay for a minute if you want, we weren't…we weren't really done talking. Akito can wait…" This is a lie and both of them know it, she'd rather be with Aki and their friendship is dead, he wants more than this is but it's not. She doesn't want him and he wants to withdraw, wants to want her because she's lovely and its somehow right. Maybe he will love her later, right now he just shakes his head, says he's fine and that he can't believe Midori's using such a fancy honorific.

"She's not a juunishi," he says, out of music-blasted Midori's small earshot. "She's not even a _Sohma _she…I don't know _what _she is. But she shouldn't call Akito that. He's not her god. He's nothing to her. He should be nothing to all of us. He's nothing, Tohru."

----------

Yes, he probably went too far with that. Tohru left without responding, her face up in flames and her free hand in fist formation. She could hate him. She could.

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Tohru walks in to a curved back and muted sobbing, Poor Baby utterly miserable. She sets down the baby, skitters in to sit with him and he says, "fuck off Tohru, I didn't ask for you to come in here!" And he's fuming now, the tears turned to steam on his fevered face. "Seriously Tohru, _leave! _Go get Hatori for me, just…just go away!"

Of course she ignores him, knowing that Hari's not here and he'd be awkward, useless in this high-strung situation. When Akito's upset the air turns jagged, scraping through her lungs as if she's sick the way that he is. "You called for me," she says, crawling in to be with him and noticing—the beds wet. It's soaked and it stinks and he's _peed himself, _and oh he's got to be humiliated, she doesn't want to make it worse by moving but she doesn't want to _sit _in it, oh _God…_ "You…" she squeaks, "you must have wanted me to help you get cleaned up…"

"No!" he yells, scrabbling into semi-sitting, heart pounding with the fear that she'll despise him. That she'll think the one she loves is sickening, a childish freak who can't control this most basic of functions. It doesn't matter that he's trapped in the bed, that the catheters been out for days and no one's been in with a bedpan. None of this matters, he's burning with shame because _this just should not have happened. He is twenty years old. "Fucking hell!" _he howls, nails digging into the soft skin of his scalp, hating Tohru for seeing this, himself for calling her and still wanting to fuck her, its impossible now and again he starts crying.

"Akito…" she says, ignoring Taeko who's joined the bawling, startled by the screams that slip scratchy from Akito's throat. She decides that she'll ignore the filth, do what she must to make him feel okay. But her advances to hug him make him cry even harder, he's trying but failing to shove her off the bed. "Listen," she says, "it's no big deal. It's not like you _tried _to do this, so I'm not mad. I can't get Hatori because he went to Shigure's, but _I'll _help you. Just try to calm down and don't worry."

"I'm sure you'd be _perfectly _calm if _you _were the one who'd pissed all over your damn _bed!" _he snaps, now mad at her for being healthy, for not having to go through this past age three. He's soaked, he's cold, this fucking sucks and he's starting to sulk now, like it's Tohru's fault because he doesn't want to seem more childish by crying. "And _you _are not going to help me, you're not…you're not…you're not _worthy, _that's it! I want Hatori to do this, _Ha-To-Ri!" _

She swallows the rejection, ignores his immature behavior, she can see why he's upset. But it hurts her that he won't take her help when that's what she's signed up for, making life better for Poor Baby. Though this is semi-medical she can't accept that it's a job for the doctor, and not his fiancé who loves him to death. Not _worthy, _right. After all she's put up with she'd _better _be worthy, but then again he _is _a God to the family, he's got an ego the size of Hokkaido, and anyway, she's not so great. Akito has said as much. "Let me help," she says, attempting to rid the bed of sheets with him on it, it isn't working and she should take down the traction, she doesn't know how without hurting his leg.

"What did I just say?" he screams, beating her away with futile fists, Hari's simply not here and she's not about to let him sit in this, if her baby cries when she needs her diapers fixed then Akito can't be having fun either. "Leave me _alone!" _he wails, sobbing again and he's trying to control it, she just keeps doing her thing.

"Maybe you should be wearing diapers," she says, knowing that the statement stings him, that she shouldn't be the one to say this and she never thought she'd say this thing to anyone but Grandpa. But there it is, it's not like she can let this keep happening. "We could probably find some that would fit you, and it would make life a lot easier for you while you're stuck in your bed."

He howls again, says, "Tohru I wanted to _fuck you, _I didn't want you offering me _diapers! _Shit, I _hate _being sick, or injured or whatever the fuck I am right now. This is what the _baby's _supposed to do, not me…" And then he trails off coughing, shrieks again about how this is total bullshit.

"You wanted to…oh, Aki-kun I…well we _could, _once we've got you cleaned up, I mean, if you _want…" _Clearly she is lacking in desire, it's hard to want sex with somebody who's just wet himself. But she craves a connection, something other than his ranting insults when she deigns to see him. She's not pulling weight in this relationship and maybe she should be, but it's hard when he's so angry all the time. And right now his request is crude, but Akito is asking for her love. "I want to," she says, "and we will, I promise. Just give me a minute, okay?"

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Nana: Well there you have it, Chapter Two. Since my siblings are yelling at me about my excessive computer use, this endnote isn't going to last long. Anyway all I need to tell you is the basics, thanks for reading and thanks for the review that you're about to leave me. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you'll come back for my next offering, which will come as soon as humanly possible! Ta!


	3. Corpse

A/N: Hello and welcome back to Burnt Rice! I kind of wish I'd called it Burnt String Beans, even though that has nothing whatsoever to do with the story. It's just, burnt string beans are delicious. If you're ever making string beans, burn a couple, I can guarantee you happy taste buds!

Okay anyway, I'm sorry for the lateness once again. I've been traveling quite a lot, and I'm actually in France as I'm writing this. I haven't had much time to write, but I should be able to speed up soon, at least for the summer. Also, this chapter, as you'll soon see, involves something that's kind of hard for me to accurately portray. I tried my best, and any success that I have is due to Raikune. Without her, the disgusting bits of this chapter would not be possible!

Incidentally, I'm dedicating this chapter to her. Read on!

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Burnt Rice

Chapter Three – Corpse

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Yuki plods along the path alone, wishing he could run home screaming but he's made up his mind, he'll walk it. By himself with no Tohru-kun to reassure him, _alone in his head to see what he may see. _And it's mostly shriveled bits of Akito, the grinding of his face into the floor. Blood between his legs and _no no no, he is not seeing this. _Okay, back up. Replace these awful things with Tohru-kun.

Yes. The swing of straight hair, the _I must please you _scraping bowing of her knees. Tohru on her knees for…him? No. Oh _hell _no, _God _no, she's God's possession and he hates himself for thinking of that first, her purity should matter more but _argh… _He'll just think of the tip of her head as she's smiling, Yuki walking with her home from work. The moon in her eyes and he can't have her, is there anything to think about that will not make him sad?

He's walking feeling sick from floating pollen, telling himself that he'll make it anyway, no matter what he's gonna walk this thing, nothing body or mind is gonna stop him. He has to get back to who he was, to the life he worked so hard to make away from Akito. He'll be back at Shigure's soon, graduating soon without Tohru-kun, oh god. Keep walking.

Kyo-kun's cage looms up ahead of him, dark despite the morning brightness. If it was built to look ominous it's doing its job, Yuki shudders when he sees it and the cats not even there. Instinctually he balls his fists, grinds his teeth because he fucking _loathes _Kyo, he can't remember why right now but he _does. _Maybe it was Kyo that hated him or maybe…well. He's not here now and it doesn't matter, Yuki walks along without a glance. Kyo's not worth a thought and he keeps thinking this, playing over why he's worthless until he passes a pond, bridged and while he remembers Aki trying to drown him in it, he sees something that's much worse.

Kyo. Sunk in the water with his face twisted forward, mouth wide. Insects coat the bits exposed, nipping at a head wound. Soaked carrot hair drips in with the bright white bone. He's paler than Aki at the break of a fever, the stink of him is grisly and he's dead. He's dead and Yuki screams.

The raw shrieks stop, Yuki's keeled over coughing, breath sucked out by the force of the feeling. He claws for his meds, tries to focus on finding them though he cannot tear his eyes away from Kyo. The hatred's gone along with breathing, now all he thinks is _oh my god that corpse is my cousin, sweet holy fuck that's my Kyo. _

Not his Kyo. Yuki has no claim on, no want for dead man decomposing. There are so many others who should be the ones to see this, not weak and breathless Yuki sucking on his meds like they're a mother's breast. When he can, he stands. Realizes that it doesn't matter who should fix this, he's the one who's here.

And so with clenched fists and gritted teeth, Yuki marches to the edge of the pond, bends over and grabs for Kyo. The feel is horrific, soaking and spongy and covered in bugs. Yuki shudders, drops him and tries it again. Fails. Fucking hell he's hard to hold. Finally he gets a grip on his shirt, drags Kyo onto the ground and he's gasping, sick again. Another drag from the inhaler, another minute to collect himself, and he is holding Kyo upright.

"What _happened _to you…?" he mutters, towing Kyo-kun by his soaking shirt-sleeves, knowing that he cannot lift that sort of weight, he's grown too weak and anyway, Akito used to rave on about dead people, and he said that you can't really carry one, they'll bend and they'll fall to the ground. _"When I die," _he'd said, _"I will be one more person that you cannot hold. You will be barred from God and then you too will die." _Yuki shakes these thoughts away, keeps walking.

Decades pass and his eyes roll into darkness, Yuki drops exhausted to his knees. He can see the house, the garden that they meant for him to tend. More than anything he wants to stop here, give into his lungs and his emotions, just lay down here and cry. But he is not what Akito has made him, he is not a useless wreck and this is important. He's going to go inside and he's going to get Hatori. On more puff and he will.

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The door bangs open as she's parting from a kiss; Tohru nearly nips his lips off as she jerks to look. Aki's scowling as he joins her, fingers clinging to her wrists. But there's Yuki looking deadened at the door, tears flying down his face and she leaves the bed, goes to him, calling, "Yuki-kun what's _wrong?" _

He smiles, he had thought she'd still be raging after what he said about her love. She'd never been angry, she'd been sad but she'd been understanding, right now she wants to hold him 'cause he's worse off than Poor Baby, Aki's fine but glaring flinty from the bed. "Yuki-kun," she says, this time flying to him, forgetting the curse, forgetting everything as she pulls him into Tohru's Comforting World.

When he hits her he's a rat, panicked and scanning for clothes. Akito can't see him changing back and naked, it's too much like the times before that he's trying to forget, Tohru can't 'cause she' a goddamn girl. In his distress he forgets that he's got clothes right here, that he's well practiced in dressing before anybody sees. He turns back with lame tears streaming, and he tells them _"I just found a corpse." _

"I knew it!" Aki shouts, voice scratching. "You see Tohru, it _wasn't _my fucking fever, I could _feel _that he was dead! Well…wait, it's Kyo, right?" He tips his head then, thinking this is a non-Sohma hobo, that he might have to be embarrassed but well, not too badly. Yuki-kun's still naked after all.

But Yuki's nodding with his face in his hands, snot dribbling through his fingers as he gathers the air to explain. He tries to ignore Akito's eyes on him, the vicious slip from pride to want. "Kyo's dead," he says, "I f-found, I found him in the, the lake, and his head is br-broken, I, I, it's not, it's not my f-fault, I, we weren't fighting or anything I…"

"You couldn't win," Akito tells him, scratchy voice gone soft with pity, if he could he'd stand up and hand the boy his clothes. All the same he puts him down, tells him there's no way he has the strength. "It didn't even cross my mind that you did this Yuki, I'm not accusing you of murder. You haven't fought in months so…look I'd like to know what happened. If you know."

Aki folds his hands, diplomatic and controlled. He's about to burst out coughing, spill his dignity into his lap in a pile of puke but for now, _for now _he's fine. It's Yuki who's the mess and he's melodramatic, Yuki's naked on his knees and Aki's laughing, coughing, hacking blood now, this is funny. Tohru's red as a whip-welt, flailing about and saying Yuki Yuki here's your clothes.

"Sorry," he tells him as he starts to get dressed. "I don't know what happened, he just…well we should get Hatori, he'll know what to do."

It's tempting to call him, scream him here on a cellphone but Akito refrains. Yes the dragon can fix everything, but it's Akito who's meant to be God. God, and not pathetic, not lying there lame while his people fall to pieces at his feet. "We will," he says, this promise made to both of them. "But you don't need to worry now Yuki. You have…nothing to fear because I…I am God." With these words he gains momentum, says _I'm God I'm God _in his head 'til he believes it. "I'm God." Out loud again, "I'm God. And I will take care of everything."

"You are…God…" murmurs Yuki-kun, weak-willed and wanting to believe this, to succumb to what's been hammered in his head since birth. This is dogma and he hates this man, but it's a comfort, it's a truth that Aki's God. "And you'll take care of everything."

"Yes," he says, sitting straight and seeming regal, eyes twitching in defiant pain. "Now Yuki-kun you need to tell me where the body is. He's got to be buried with the other cats or else he can't be replaced, you have to get him for me." He says this having no idea if it's actually true, it's just that Aki's read too many books about zombies, he knows its crazy but he's thinking that if Kyo's not buried he will come for him.

"He's just outside," Yuki tells him, fingers scrabbling over shirt buttons as he tries to do them up. "I didn't think it was a good idea to bring a dead body into the house, germs and all that…anyway I was tired. I'm sorry, I mean if you want to see him I can get him if you just let me rest a little bit, I…"

Akito stops him, says it's fine and that he doesn't need to see because he knows already that he's dead. And right now he's holding onto hatred, if he sees the kitty's corpse he's bound to turn to mush, forgive him everything. It's hard to hate the dead, at least at first, and right now loathing's all that makes him strong. He'll spare Yuki, fix the whole damn thing himself because he's god and he's supposed to do these things he…he can't. He's tethered to the bed and he needs Hatori. He is _nothing _now but flailing need. "Fuck," he mutters, "Just go get the man. This um, this task is beneath me. Because I'm God and…yeah."

This is said to cover seething, Tohru knows she'll have a tantrum on her hands when Yuki-kun walks out. And this prospect should electrify, she should want to comfort but she can't. She's exhausted, so much so that she's annoyed by Poor Baby, and she cannot even care that Kyo is dead.

---------

Hari's summoned and he's as magic as they thought he'd be. He calls in someone to cart off the corpse, feeds Akito a few more meds and calms down Yuki-kun. They're wrecked up baby birds just laying there, when Hatori comes in its like he's the one who's God, causing Akito to rage feebly as the doctor doesn't listen. No one does. "We'll need to notify the people close to him, Kazuma and Shigure and so forth," Hari says, muttering details as if this doesn't matter, that agony and elation aren't at war inside him at the news.

"And Kagura," Tohru says, lifting the heft of baby towards her breast, the child's hungry. "Kagura will want to know. I mean the news will kill them both but they should…" She sighs, watches Taeko as she winds her hands around her hair. She should be hurting for this girl, this little one who's lost her father but she's not. It's not as if she'll know him, Aki's Daddy now and maybe that's not good but so what? So what, she can't feel, her empathy circuit's shot and she feels like a fucking robot. Yes, a _fucking _one, she feels like cursing too, like screaming with her head in her hands but that isn't her job, that's Akito's and he doesn't give two shits about Kyo. Someone needs to scream for him, someone needs to cry but tears won't come and okay she's upset now. Not calm.

"Is there anyone else that we should call?" asks Hatori, hurling needles through her thoughts and she hates him for a bit before she realizes, she can't. She doesn't get angry and if she keeps on saying this then she won't snap, she'll just answer all politely, "no there's not."

"Fine," he says, "that's perfect. This way we don't have to make a big thing of it. No ceremony, we'll just do the cremation, dump him in the cat grave and be done with it." He's about to walk out and make the calls but Tohru stops him, hands kneading through her daughter's orange hair.

"W-what do you mean?" she asks him. "We're not having a funeral? How can…how can that be though? You're his family, don't you…don't you want to honor his life? He did some bad things in the end but everyone forgives…" She trails off, they've been through this thing before and God is glaring. "We can't just toss him in a grave and forget him."

"It's not only a grave," gloats Akito, lips breaking to bits as he smiles. "It's a _mass _grave, it won't even have his name on it. It'll just say _Cat _and that's it. It's more than he deserves so don't complain." Teeth gnash and fingers flex, Aki bites back his own batch of tears. He's seeing himself turned to filth on the cage floor, Tohru leaving him because she loves a dead man best.

"That's not…that's not fair I mean, what about Kazuma? And Kagura? They'll want a funeral and I…" _I do too. _She bites her tongue to bleeding so she doesn't say it, _I still care and I want him honored too. _

"They understand that this is the way things are. They're Sohmas, they've grown up with this and if they fight it they answer to me," Akito says, voice so thick with false dignity that Tohru nearly bursts out laughing. He's a spindly little nothing boy who's shackled to a bed. He knows it, he's lying when he calls himself a threat. "They will obey me," Aki says, voice shaking. "They will."

"Of course they will," says Hatori, slipping briefly by the bed to give the kid a quick injection. Aki's gnawing on his own tongue now, trying not to yelp at tiny pain. "This is Demerol," he says, and Aki rolls his eyes with his arms crossed, tells the man that thanks, he knows his own damn medication. "Do you want me not to give it to you?" he snaps. "Because it doesn't matter a bit to me if you get a migraine later on. This will just spare Tohru-kun your whining."

He means none of this but Aki's stung into a shut mouth, a quivering lip and knitted eyebrows. This rare sweet silence must have been the point of that, no matter how offended Aki is he's quiet, this means that Hatori can work. He ambles out quickly, Yuki gaping as he leaves. He's been static-brained until this moment, Hari mocking God is something huge. But he soon slips back into his coma, the rest of them slipping in right along with him.

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The anesthetic anxiousness they're feeling doesn't last. Grief creeps in through the pores of the Main House, and crying jags go on throughout the night. Tohru spends hours with her arms around Akito, Taeko nestled sleeping in between. He could be the next to go and that thought kills her even more than Kyo already being gone. Besides she's got to be there while he cries his eyes out, the pain of a broken Zodiac isn't something he can bear. They twist and writhe together in their agony, wanting sex except for Taeko, she's baptized by their tears combined. "I love you," Tohru says, "I love you so much and I love our baby. Please please survive to see her live."

"I love you too," he rasps as he plays with her fingers. "Please please miss me more that you do Kyo."

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Nana: Okay, well that took bleeding forever. I'm finishing this about two weeks before it'll be available for anyone but me, I don't have Internet right now. Hell we didn't even have water until this morning. This is what happens when you stay in houses no one's lived in for a year. Anyway, so it's two weeks later and you're probably lining up with pitchforks…I already apologized. Again I'm really sorry. I'm also sorry this chapter's so short, but I didn't think anything else really fit. I'm just really sorry about a lot of things right now. And hungry, so I'm gonna go get some pistachio yogurt. Weird, weird stuff. Anyway, review me and I'll try my best to get the next chapter in within the next week!


	4. Tea

A/N: I wonder if anyone noticed the lazy route I've taken with the titles. I mean in a way it's kind of artsy, I guess. But if anybody's noticed I'm in a bit of a rut when it comes to writing…may as well make the titles easier. So it's just one word for every one, no long strange phrases about reindeer and blankets like I gave you last time. No my friends, that takes too many brain cells that I just haven't got right now.

Anyways, you're welcome for the much more timely chapter four. I've had about six hours every day to write, whereas before I had maybe half an hour. So I'm pounding 'em out real fast. This chapter was really fun to write, since I got to deal with a lot of characters instead of just the usual cast of four. Not that Akito and the rest aren't awesome, but who doesn't love it when Kagura beats the shit out of people? Also, I indulged myself and made it just a little more disgusting than usual…you'll see what I mean. It's where the title comes from. And really it isn't so bad. So yeah, this is one of the few things I've written lately that I didn't sweat blood over, and I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Have fun!

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Burnt Rice

Chapter Four - Tea

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It takes a few days to assemble all the folks for Kyo. Kazuma's set a dojo up in Shanghai and it's not like he can walk away no trouble, he needs a replacement and someone who will feed his orange cat. Kagura's got courses to reschedule, a paper to write and a friend to pay to feed _her _orange cat. Shigure's the only one who gets there in a timely fashion, and when he comes he tails the children everywhere, cajoles them into hanging out when all they want to do is brood.

Right now he's sitting at the kitchen table, Taeko on the surface and he's kissing her tummy, tickling her until she squeaks with joy. Tohru-kun's cooking up a meal and chatting idly, telling Shigure about her plans for summer school, asking if he'll maybe baby-sit while she keeps her promise to her mom. "I'm sorry to ask, and I understand if you're too busy, it's just I'd _really _like to finish up, and Akito's not in any shape to take care of ."

"It'd be an honor," he says, eyes crossed and tongue out for Taeko's amusement. His voice is slurred and Tohru laughs, asks Yuki-kun who's walking in if he'll hand her the vitamin powder that is meant for Aki's soup. Yuki's eyes are puffed and bloodshot, he's been crying over Kyo and no one comments, this morning bloodshot eyes belong to all. "Does she have a bassinet or a stroller or something?" Shi-chan asks. "I can't really carry her around or I'll transform and drop her, so if I'm going to baby-sit its kind of a necessity."

"I mostly carry her," Tohru says, "because she hasn't been big enough for a stroller. But she's getting there, and I think we've got a bassinet someplace, I'll dig it out. Um…" She trails off, thinking she should mention Kyo but not wanting to, it's peaceful and she's missed this man but Kyo deserves more recognition. When she brings it up with Akito it just upsets him, and when he's upset he coughs and cries and vomits, flings curses that can chase her from the room. So instead she just keeps cooking, sets out the plates and a tray for Poor Baby, and waits for someone else to bring it up.

Soon they're shoveling food in silence, with only feeble conversation prompts from Shigure. They answer but they're not enthusiastic, and when Tohru leaves to feed Akito they exchange no words at all. It's only when they're nearly done that somebody speaks up. It's Yuki-kun, he says, "I had this dream last night about Kyo, and it was…" He stops, starts coughing to distract from what he maybe shouldn't have mentioned. They're quiet again now, the others looking on as Yuki parcels out his medication.

"You've got everything you need, right Yuki?" Shi-chan asks, thinking back to Hari's much more cumbersome instructions. He nods and Shigure does too, they're dying to start up something Kyo-kun centered but they can't, it takes everything in both of them just to ask on Yuki's dream.

"What was it?" Tohru asks, picking dropped bits of rice off the table. "I mean you don't have to say if you don't want to, maybe that just slipped out by mistake…but I'd like to hear if it's okay."

Yuki blushes, tells them it was nothing it's just that Kyo's been on his mind being dead and all. "In the dream he was telling me all these reasons why he couldn't stand me, and I was telling him , but nothing either of us said made any sense…it's been so long since I've seen him so…I don't know, it was weird. There was this big tennis ball machine shooting rice balls, and we were trying to catch them but they all went out the window, except this rotten one that Kyo ate…he got sick, and then I woke up having an attack. Like I told you, weird."

"That does sound strange," says Tohru-kun, holding up a bottle for her little girl to drink. "Were you alright when you woke up, I mean did you have your medication? Did Hatori-san help you? I think he might have been busy with Akito this morning so…" She stops, thinking that she's worrying too much, that she's not focusing on anything important. But it seems invasive to go Freudian on him, especially since the rice ball bit is bound to mean herself.

"I'm fine," he says, "it was nothing. I shouldn't have brought it up."

----------

When breakfast ends she's cornered in the hallway, Shi-chan blocking up her way. "You should live with me," he tells her, quaking like a no would make him cry. "Yuki-kun's coming back with me when I go home, and you should too. It was great with just the four of us, and Kyo-kun's gone but we could still have…I mean it's good enough with just three, right?"

Tohru shifts her babbling baby, tells him look she has a child now, she's living here with her and Akito. "I'm sorry," she sighs, "it was certainly nice while it lasted, it's just that well, things changed. I can't leave the Main House, Aki's here and I adore him, plus there's Taeko-chan, I can't take her away from her father I…it just wouldn't work Shigure."

He groans loud knowing that she wouldn't go for it, wrings his hands and begs her with whining. "I know it's selfish but you were happy there and I don't think you are right now. Maybe its because of Kyo-kun, but don't you think it's best for us to mourn together? Me and you and Yuki and your kid? She could grow up with us, I'd be your permanent baby-sitter and it'd be absolutely perfect Tohru-kun!" His high voice is growing hysterical, crashing like the failed crescendo of a pianist who's nearly dead.

"But there's Akito," she says, "you're asking me to move away from him, and he gets crazy when I leave him just to pee. It would wreck him if I did and anyway, I _love _him, I gave up so much to be with him I…" She stops and she's choked up 'cause the Kyo thing's all her fault, if she'd let them both alone he'd still be living. "How could I desert him now after everything we've been through?"

"I don't know." He shakes his head, digs into his pockets for a cigarette or some distraction. "I just…like I said its really selfish, I just want things to be the way they were, as much as they can be I…you're like a daughter to me Tohru-kun, I feel like a parent to all of you and I…I want my children back, I guess. Could you at least consider it? Just keep it in your mind?"

"No," she says, "I'm sorry but unless Akito's coming too then I just can't. I'll visit all the time, and you're going to be Taeko's baby sitter, right? It's like your daughter's going off to college or getting married or something, just think of it like that, okay?"

"I'll try," he mutters, "but it's more like she's got Stockholm syndrome after being kidnapped by some perverted psychopath." Tohru's face goes toothpaste-white, it's tough of her to hear the Sohmas speak this way about their God. And _perverted psychopath, _isn't that a bit _much _for somebody so weak and needy as Poor Baby? "Look," he says, "I didn't mean that Aki was…I'm just stressed right now, we all are, and I guess I'm blaming him a bit for what happened. I'm sure you must be too. Just…look, just promise that you'll visit me, okay?

"I will," she says, "I swear it."

----------

Someone's padding soft and sockless through the Main House halls, someone else is crashing kamikaze into every room. The first someone sounds sober and sad when he greets the family, the second one demands to know who she can blame. The first one says, "I'm sorry that this had to happen," and the second says, "I'll break your fucking legs!"

It's Yuki-kun who meets them when they're walking out to get their things, and so it's Yuki-kun who gets blamed first. The second someone's Kagura, she's come loaded down with luggage and a healthy dose of rage. "I bet you're the one who killed him!" she sobs, throwing punches that he's too out of practice, too breathless now to block. "What did you do, push him in the lake and hold his head down! I knew you hated him Yun-chan, but I didn't think you'd _kill _him, what are you _insane!" _

He backs away with black eyes and a bleeding nose, a chest that's caving in and he starts coughing. They burst from him in wracking spasms, rivaling Akito's and almost scarier, because Aki's often breathing when he does this. Yuki isn't 'til he's sucking meds and that was number two today, it's only early morning. "Ohhhh…Yun-chan I'm so _sorry," _Kagura says like she feels sympathy, she checks the damage that she's done and waves at Someone # 1 as he comes in.

"What happened here?" says Kazuma, setting down a suitcase from the car. The two of them came in together, Kazuma picking up the girl at school on his way back from the airport. "Was Yuki-kun this beat up when you came here Kagura?"

"No I just…I was testing him, to see if he'd been keeping up with martial arts. He couldn't even block me, remember Shihan how he used to kick my ass? What's up with that Yun-chan?" she nags him, pulling at his sleeve. "How come you're just a weak little pansy-boy ?"

"Weren't you terribly concerned about Kyo just now?" he asks her, rubbing at the bruises with the hope they'll go away. "Don't you think the shape I'm in is maybe less important?"

"Um, yes it is," she mumbles, blushing with her hands clasped tight in front. "But Shihan asked what happened so…I mean I'm sure it matters to him that everything he taught you's gone to waste. Not as much as Kyo-kun matters sure but…you're just being mean Yun-chan!"

"You're one to talk, you just gave me two black eyes!" He swipes at the blood dripping out, says he's going in to get a tissue. "You can handle the luggage on your own, right?"

"No trouble," Kazuma says, setting up the things so he can take them all at once. Kagura takes a couple trips, and the whole time she's yelling for Yuki-kun to help her.

"I can't believe you're letting a girl do all the work!" she bellows, dragging the last of her massive duffel bags inside. Her hands clasp her hips and she says, "that's not very _gentlemanly _Yun-chan!"

"Murderers aren't exactly _gentlemanly _either Kagura," he sniffs, tossing out a tissue that has soaked up too much blood. "Besides, I'm not allowed to do any heavy lifting. Doctor's orders."

"What's wrong with you?" she asks him, sitting down at the table and handing him another tissue. "You're not really sick or anything, right? I'm sorry I hit you it's just that you know how I am about…I don't really think you _murdered _him of course…I just wanted to blame someone, you know? You've always hated him and you were right there so…are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I mean you're strong so that was _painful _but…yeah, there's not anything really wrong with me. My asthma's just been pretty bad lately, it went from maybe two or three attacks a year to two or three a day. So Hatori-san doesn't want me to do anything that will aggravate it…um. Why are we talking about this?"

"Good question," concedes Kazuma, sitting down in another spare seat. "Not to say that Yuki's health is not important, but we're here because of Kyo. Everything else seems…a little banal in the face of that." He sighs. "Do you have any idea what happened to him? When Hari called he said he drowned, but the property doesn't have any water that he could have drowned in. Did he go to the beach or was there maybe something with Akito…?"

Yuki shakes his head, tips it back to stop the flow of blood. "Not a clue," he says, "I found the body in a pond near the Main House, and Akito's been stuck in bed for weeks. They were having a lot of really terrible encounters but I don't think he could have _killed _him. Maybe Kyo…I don't know, his life was really in the gutter then so he could have…"

And Kagura slaps him in the face again, screams "don't you say those things about my Kyo! He would _never _have killed himself, he isn't _crazy!" _This is likely meant to sting him, there's no way that she's forgotten Yuki's long ago attempt. He was eleven and fresh from a two-week lock-up, and after being beaten and molested every day with only terror in between the lulls there was little he could do but try to die. Ayame found him puking three days worth of Aki's meds, and it was only maybe half an hour before every Sohma knew. And so Yuki doesn't look at her or answer that, he just gets up quickly from the table, stands there teary-eyed 'til getting dizzy sits him down.

"There was no real need for you to say that, was there?" the shihan asks her softly. "Isn't everyone upset enough without your instigation? If Kyo-kun really did this then that doesn't make him _crazy, _only miserable. And that could be my fault. I should have stayed in Japan and looked out for him, it's just that there was this incredible business opportunity in Shanghai…that's no excuse. He needed an advocate and I never should have gone."

"He was _miserable _because _Tohru _wouldn't _fuck _him," seethes Kagura. "I mean being locked up in that stinky old cage couldn't have helped too much, but Shihan I doubt that it was _you. _Anyway I'm sure it was an accident." She says this last bit smiling, like that makes the loss of a life any better."

"I didn't know he had a thing for Tohru," Kazuma says, voice dreamy. "That's really very sweet, I wish he'd told me. I suppose that isn't any good for you, but anyway it doesn't matter why he's gone. If we knew why we'd just wind up blaming people that we're meant to love. That's aimed at you Kagura, don't blame anybody else for Kyo-kun's death."

"Fine," she mutters, "but it's got to be _someone's _fault. He died outside the cage, right, so someone must have let him out. And Akito's the only one who's got the fucking keys." She stands up, brushes off her dress and says, "I think that maybe I'll go see him. Unless it's naptime for the invalid I mean."

"I think it is," says Yuki-kun, "I haven't heard a single scream that didn't come from you."

----------

Aki's in a violent slumber, tossing hard enough to tear down the traction, waking every couple minutes to throw up. Hari's sitting by the bed with a bucket beside him, an ice-soaked towel in his hand. "Stay still so I can put this on your head," he says, cracked hands steady on his arms to calm him down. "You're at 104 degrees right now, you must be boiling. If you can wake up and sit up I'll give you some medicine." Aki stops his thrashing, fails to take him up this because he's moaning about Kyo. This is repetitious and he doesn't listen, Hari's tuned out until the moans turn into _'you don't care.'_

"What are you saying?" he demands, soaking Aki's forehead with the freezing folded cloth. "Was that about Kyo? Me? Tohru-kun? Are you just babbling to yourself Akito?" Though he asks these things he's pierced through with accusation, nearly kneeling down and pleading for forgiveness from his god. He stays sitting, stays serene in Aki's glazed-by-fever eyes. But he's panicking, recalling awful sentences he spewed. _"Do you want me not to give it to you?" _he'd heckled him,_ "because it doesn't matter a bit to me if you get a migraine later on. This will just spare Tohru-kun your whining." _This was totally unjustified, there'd been no whining on that day. Okay so he'd been _snotty _but Hatori hadn't any right to say these things, they were cruel and just _look _at him groping for the bucket with those shaking stiff-boned hands! A mess of red spills out of him, he lays back down and tries to thrash out the agony, to curl it gone in fetal balls. The leg cast keeps him from this tiny comfort and Hari can't believe he ever said those things, now he knows what Tohru meant by calling him Poor Baby!

"I'm sorry," he tells him in a broken whisper, "I don't know if this has anything to do with what's hurting you now, but I didn't mean a word of what I said. I don't know why I even said it, I guess that I just wanted you to shut your mouth. I don't…want that, really. You can talk all you want and I…I care if you're in pain." Hari sighs and tilts his head up to the ceiling, drums his fingers on the side of Aki's bed. "I don't want to make you sad," he says, "I actually care about you and how you're feeling I…you probably can't even hear me." He stops, bows his head in reverence, humiliation. "If you can than I apologize. This is much too sentimental, I must sound absolutely ridiculous."

It takes tremendous strength for Akito to touch him, but he manages, his hand rests now on Hari's own. "…y-you're not b-being…ridi, ridiculous…you're…--"--he breaks to cough--"--nice…l-like To, like Tohru-kun…"

He blinks, figuring that this is just his dear lord's fever, no one's ever even thought to liken him to Tohru-kun. "I'm glad you think so," Hari says, "because she's really an admirable person and you…love her. So that's a real compliment. Thank you."

The twitch of his head is barely perceptible, Aki's sliding into thrashing sleep before he says 'you're welcome.'

----------

The door clangs open, Tohru's standing with a tea tray in the hall. She closes it again and knocks, thinking maybe she's not welcome when Akito's sleeping. "Can I come in?" she says, and Hari almost wants to tell her no except for Aki's waking up, almost smiling at the thought of talking with his bee.

"Sure," he tells her, "go ahead."

Another bang against the frames and she's inside, setting down the tea tray on a dresser. "I brought this for you both," she says, "I actually made it for everyone, which means we're almost out of cups but I'm doing dishes later so it's no big deal. Um…it's called Crimson Tea, it's really just a lot of berries but it's good. There was some jasmine tea too, if you want that instead than I can--" She stops, Hari's standing up to get the teapot and he's telling her it's fine.

"This is actually my favorite," he tells her, pouring out tea into just two cups, Tohru's not provided one that she could drink from. "Are we your last stop?" he asks, "because if we are then I'll just get another cup and you can join us."

She nods, says _she'll _get the cup and runs out before anybody can dispute this. Soon she's back and they're sitting camped around Akito's bed, not sure if they should argue over who will help him drink. "I think I made the stuff a little strong," she says, "and I messed up with the leaves…I guess I wasn't paying much attention I…I'm sorry, it's not going to be very good."

He takes a sip and says it's perfect, though she's absolutely right about the leaves. "They're…well it looks like…this is going to sound pretty gross but…" She trails off and it seems she'll never finish her comparison. While he's waiting Hari tries to wake Akito for his share of it, he's dropped into the sleep again and Hari just gives up, hot tea would only hurt somebody with a fever.

"You were saying?" Hari says, prodding though he doesn't care, it's just she looks so nervous standing there with the words backed up in her windpipe. And when she starts to speak he thinks he knows this, know what she means to say. "It looks like…with the tea leave floating around and all, and I guess it's _tea _so it isn't quite the same consistency but I'm thinking of the _color. _It looks like…"

"Akito's vomit?" Hari finishes, staring almost smiling at the stuff that's in the bucket. It's water and blood from all the food that he forgoes, and Tohru's nodding hard because she knows it's awful but it's _true. _"You know Tohru-kun, you and I are probably the only people in the world who would make that comparison. It's delicious but you're right, that _is _what it looks like."

"I didn't want to say it," Tohru says, "it's just what I was thinking and…it's hard not to when I spend so much time _cleaning _it. His health is all I that can think about sometimes, even though Kyo-kun's dead and I have my little girl, it's just so all-consuming that I…do you know what I mean Hatori?"

Hari grunts agreement as he swallows sips of tea. "Tohru, it's my _job _to be obsessed with it. I get so wrapped up in his needs that I forget I have my own. Half the time I can't even remember that I need to eat and sleep."

"Me too," says Tohru-kun, "I mean I don't have time to do those things _anyway, _but I forget that they're important." She sighs softly to herself, says "it's nice though. I didn't think we had anything in common Hatori, so I'm glad to see we do."

"Right," he mutters, hands forming half-fists when he puts the teacup down. "I'm…glad, too." He's not but he keeps silent, actually it's killing him that Tohru cares this much. More than he does really, since it's not her job or her own life that's on the line. He can't explain why this knots his throat up, can't tell why he wants to be the only one that Aki needs.

But he's waking up now, clawing for her slurring, "H-h-honeybee…p-please could you…could you l-lay, lay down with me…'m sick…"

She smiles, says she'll do that soon, just that first she has to ask Shigure if he'll watch Taeko-chan a little longer. Aki drags himself into sitting position, clings to her quaking and asks her please please not to go. "Y-you won't, you won't come back if you leave me you…" He stops to break his throat with coughing, Tohru guides him gently back to lying down.

"Okay," she says, "I'll stay with you." And she lays down in the space besides him, watches as he wills himself to stop. Hari has to stop himself from smacking her, he needs to sit up if he's coughing or he'll choke. But he's fine so he says nothing, except that he'll tell Shigure about the kid. He walks off with fully-formed fists in his pockets.

----------

Nana: Well well well, looks like somebody's maybe a little bit jealous? That was the beginnings of the promised Akito/Hatori, which it is my right, no actually my duty to include as a dedicated fan girl. Not to worry though, like _Everybody Wants Her_, _Burnt Rice _shall have plenty of other pairings too…just none including Kyo, what with him being y'know, dead. Also, did anybody get what Yuki's dream meant in the first part of the chapter? Let me know if you can figure it out, okay? It's not cryptic or anything, I'd just like to hear interpretations.

Anyway, look forward to violence and insanity in Chapter Five, and for now you can review me! I need motivation people! Love you all and have a lovely day!


	5. Control

A/N: Hello! I'm a good and timely girl again, since I wrote this thing in France along with the last few. My grandma has all these real estate related errands to run, so I'm stuck here writing instead of actually doing things I couldn't do in NYC. But this does mean I'm getting a lot more writing done.

This chapter is a little different from my usual fare. Akito sheds some of his patheticas towards the end, temporarily of course but he does. It's fun to experiment, and I do like him brutal, just not, you know, as much. I like the simpering, sickly version, Tohru-kun's Poor Baby. I also experimented with writing in a staccato style at the end. So yeah, different but not _too _different. I worry that I make these chapters all the same, so I'm trying! Go me!

Anyhoodles, here's _Control. _Enjoy yourselves!

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Burnt Rice

Chapter Five - Control

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Nearly a week goes by and nothing's done to honor Kyo. The body was burned without ceremony, hell the ones who burned him didn't even know his name. And this was just to keep the corpse from stinking, though the visitors protest they can't do anything 'til Aki wakes and gives permission. And when he wakes for good they can't get him to comment, when they talk to him of Kyo he just starts coughing.

It's only when Hatori asks him that he listens. Even Tohru's pleas for service go ignored, and really that is no surprise, it hurts him worse than any migraine that he knows she gives a damn. With Hatori he's used to this, with Hatori he can send him out if the conversation takes a turn that he dislikes.

And so he lets him in his room. Resting on elbows that shake like a seizure, he asks the dragon why the cat deserves a funeral. "Well," says Hari, knowing that there's not much on his side. Aki doesn't care too much about the other's needs. "Kazuma, Kagura, Shigure and Tohru-kun all really want this. Each one of them cared deeply for Kyo, and a funeral would help them deal with what they're feeling and move on. And I'm sure that you'd like Tohru to move on."

He agrees with a grimace, he's still nauseas from his recent being ill. "I know why she does but I still want to punch her in the face every time she talks about him. She should be _glad _that he's dead if she loves me."

_Indicating, _Hari thinks, _that any one of us who love our Yuki should rejoice when you are dead. _But he doesn't say it, this is something that he's sure he knows already. At any rate God's talking, this means that servants have to shut their mouths and listen. "Anyway it's tradition, there are reasons for these things and I'm not about to go against them. The cats have always been considered less than human and Kyo…Kyo _proved _that so…I don't see why I should break tradition just because some outsider bitch wants me to."

"Outsider…bitch?" Hari's eyebrows furrow, he can't believe that Aki means a thing he's saying here. "Akito, this is the woman you're raising a child with, the woman you intend to marry. I hardly think she qualifies as an _outsider _or…a bitch."

"I'm just _saying things," _Akito says, arms crossed as he shifts in bed. "I don't always _mean _what I _say, _things just _come out. _You know that Hatori, I'm _crazy. _Anyway my point's still valid, even when we get married she's still not going to be one of my Zodiac. Why should she have any say over how we run things?"

"I can think of two things to dispute that Akito," grins Hatori, loving how his god is human, how he doesn't think things through. "Firstly, Kagura and Shigure are both in the Zodiac, and they want a funeral. So if being in the Zodiac means they ought to have a say then there it is, they should have it. Secondly, if Tohru's _not _in the Zodiac, than she doesn't have to do what you say. So if she wants to have a funeral you can't stop her."

Aki sits there stupefied, then begins to glare and rage, says "soon I'll be her fucking husband, she still has to do whatever the hell I say!"

"Now that's just chauvinistic," Hari tells him, "and that I can't condone. Using your status as a god to bully people is one thing, but your status as a _man…" _And he wants to say, _now that's just not cool, _but his mouth won't let him, Hari's having fun but he's too serious, he needs Shigure or someone here to say it for him. But he does say this: "she could beat you up in a second Akito. Anybody could."

_"I hate you!" _Aki screams. "You're a disrespectful asshole Hatori, I'd expect this from _Shigure _or someone else with fucking _brain damage _but not _you! _Maybe I not the strongest person in the world but try looking out your right eye Hari, see if you remember why you _can't! _Just look in the mirror and tell me that I can't do any fucking damage!"

Hari's eyes slip into slits, he strokes his scar and tries hard not to shudder. The happy mood's turned into misery, and he says "you're right. You're absolutely right Akito, you have a gift for making people unhappy. You've just demonstrated it beautifully." And with that he stands and stalks away, leaving before Aki can respond.

----------

Akito can't shuffle in to say he's sorry, he's still hauled up in his traction in his bed. And anyway it might have been millennia before he could ignore his pride. But midday comes and Aki needs his medication, and just because he's angry doesn't mean that Hatori will let him die. As he's swabbing at the site of a soon-to-come injection, Aki speaks. "I…"

"You…?" he asks, readying the needle.

"I…"

"You…?" he asks, this time he sinks it in.

"I'm _sorry!" _This comes out with a fit of coughing, as he's hacking Hari reaches 'round and rubs his back. Normally he'd just wait it out but an apology from God deserves reward. "T-thank, thank you, " he quavers, clutching at his chest as the fit's dissolving. "I was um…I wasn't being very nice I was…"

"Being…" Needle's out, injection over.

"…an asshole…"

"Yes." Hatori agrees with too much grinning, knowing he should share the blame but not quite ready to, there's too much thrill in being right to let it go. And he's about to wrench permission out of him, a funeral for cat-lovers of the Sohma clan. But tears are slipping down Akito's heated face, he's mortified and cradling his unstuck knee. "Don't feel bad," he says, "don't worry about it."

"Y-you were, you were making fun of me," sniffs Akito, "everybody is and n-no, nobody res_pects _me, I'm _God _I, I am bleeding out my _lungs _for you and that s-should, should _matter. _W-we have these, have these traditions for a _reason _Hatori, I know this in the same way that I knew my cat had died." He stops, hacks heavily again and nearly vomits. "It's so, it's so h-hard just to, just too keep on l-living, if the people that I do it for are going to _m-mock _me then w-why, why bother?" Speech over he stops talking, too drained to do much else but spill his tears.

"What are they?" Hari asks him, hoping there are reasons that he maybe can respect. "What will happen if we let them have a funeral for Kyo?"

"I don't _know!" _he moans, bashing forehead onto knee. "I mean I _do _but I can't _explain _it to you Hari I…" He stops, he coughs, and Hari begs him please just try. "I…if we break _one _tradition then t-that mean we can break _other _ones too and then you will…you all will…"

"What will we do?"

_Don't make me say it it'll wreck me it just hurts so much to even _think…

"What will we do Akito?"

_If I say it it'll happen I'll be giving you ideas…_

"Akito?"

"You…"

"We…?"

He bursts with it, "you'll leave!"

Tears pool in collarbone valleys, shoulders shake like the earth on a fault line. Strangled moaning comes like thunder and his forehead feels like flame when Hari tests it. He almost doesn't reassure him, right now it seems that nothing he can say will stop the pain of yo_u will leave me. _But he sniffs and says "you're not denying it," and that snaps Hari back to reason.

"I…I can't speak for anybody else in the family, but I've promised you a million times that I would never…you need me. You need me to live so how could I…" He stops. His words mean absolutely nothing because he hasn't got the trust of God. If Hari gave him poisoned tea then he would drink it, but he wouldn't be surprised when he got sick. Nothing he can say will change this child's mind, and anyway he cannot offer much of worth. _I _won't leave you, what the hell does _that _mean if the others will?

"I can't be alone," he whispers, "and tradition's the only thing that'll stop it. They won't just leave me Hatori, they'll do what Kyo did I…I couldn't take that. I'd kill myself. It wouldn't matter if the family died, I would."

"My God," he murmurs, every nerve and every bone just begging to protect him. "If you'd told me what it meant to you I never would have pushed it…look, don't worry. I'll tell them to forget the funeral just please…please don't worry anymore. Don't cry."

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The news makes its rounds for a day or two before it reaches Kagura. This is tradition and it's not that she hadn't known that, but she just loved Kyo so much she thought there'd be exception. She'd believed in this so hard she hadn't asked about it, she just thought that maybe Kazuma or someone else was off arranging something fancy. But time's passing and a date's not set, so one morning when she's eating cereal with Yuki-kun she asks him, "when's the funeral?"

"What funeral?" he asks her deadpan as he wipes away his drool. He rubs his bruisy eyes and scowls, the pain does nothing that'll wake him up. "Is that something on TV…?"

"Yuki-kun, you're so _stupid_," she grumbles, wolfing cereal that's turned to mush, she's waited 'til it was this way to eat it. "I'm talking about _Kyo-kun's funeral, _you know that thing where we all hang around a grave and talk about the greatest guy who ever lived? When is it, I have to get back to college soon you know."

"We're not having one of those…" he says, eyeing the cereal he's been meaning to dump into a bowl. "He's the cat, remember? We never do those kinds of things for the cat…I thought you guys were here to…um…actually I don't know _why _you're here. Why're you talkin' to me anyway? It's so early…"

Kagura's eyes go up in flames, and she knocks over her bowl. "Who decided this?" she seethes, "who's responsible? _Who's ass do I have to fucking kick?" _

"I dunno I guess it was Akito…" he mutters, eye closed as he over-pours the cereal. "Why are you yelling for…grammar is for people who wear sweaters…it's too hot outside for sweaters on…s'I don' have to use grammar…"

Moments earlier she might have laughed but now she's bolting, tripping on herself as she flies upstairs to Aki's room. Then she slows down skidding, sticks a smile on her face and saunters in, asks him sweetly if he's up for conversation. She waits for ages, shifts from foot to foot until the door creaks open, Aki's dragged himself--literally--from his bed into the hall. His traction had been taken down the day before, so he can roll to the floor but he's not walking. He sits, stares up into her grey eyes coughing, and he tells her; "we have the same color eyes. Unless I'm colorblind on top of all my other problems…yours are grey right?"

She kicks him. Straight to the head and he's howling, thin blood seeping from the wound like spilling soda. "FUCK!" he bellows, scanning for something, anything to grab so he can kick her ass. He flings a sandal and she doesn't even blink.

"Yuki tells me that you're not allowing Kyo to have a funeral…" she snarls smiling with her hands rolled into fists. "Is that true? Or did I just bash your worthless brains in for no reason?"

"O-of, of _c-course _I'm not, it's tradi--"--he coughs--"tradition. What in hell did you expect? God my…god my _head _hurts, I was _already _g-getting a m-m-migraine…"

"Muh-muh-migraine, why the fuck are you stuttering!" she mocks him, grinding a bare and filthy heel into his hand. "What are you scared of me or something? God's afraid of the fucking pig? You're a loser, do you know that?" She spits, goopy strands of pseudo-vomit staining up his old kimono. Kyo had done the same and he starts screaming, _god no god no not this shit again. _"You're _pitiful!" _Kagura shouts, "and really loud!"

Aki flails and grabs the wall, claws his way to standing on his still-wrecked leg. She wrenches his pipe cleaner neck so it's close to her, breathes the breath she knows is foul in his face. "Change your mind," she tells him, "or we'll have _your _funeral instead."

This is a lame line and a lousy threat but it's still scary, Aki's thinking he could bite her and he's screaming for some help. _"HATORI!" _he calls out with a throat scraped raw, "Hatori, Tohru-kun, _help!" _

The two don't come but there's a crowd around the stairwell, the two adults and bleary Yuki leaning in to see what's wrong. "Is everything okay up there?" asks Shigure, not thinking there could be a fight with Kyo-kun gone. "Did I just hear somebody ask for help?"

Aki drags himself away from her, towards the steps where he can see the mob. He's not sure if they're good witnesses but they're the only ones he has, they wouldn't save him 'cause they think she's right and being God means nothing. But Aki's got another plan, and it'll show the Sohma that it _must _obey him, he's not pathetic, loserly or lame. "Akito-san, what are you doing out of bed?" Shigure wonders, hands on his hips as he pouts upwards. "Didn't Hari tell you should…" He's shut up, silenced when Kagura barrels out to scream some more.

"Don't you run away you little coward, I was in the _middle _of _talking! _Come back here!" She dashes out swinging her math book, squawking like a harried sparrow as she nails him in the head. "There! Was that good? Or am I giving you a _muh-muh-migraine?" _

Aki scowls thinking there's a difference between being head wounds and chronic agony, but he doesn't care much since he's got these head wounds now to deal with. "Kagura!" someone shouts, it could be Kazuma but he's dizzy enough so that he cannot see him, cannot tell. "Put the book down. Put it down _now." _

And in come the saviors, Hari and his honeybee back from picking up the meds. Hari drops the bags and races up, looks frenzied at his beat-up bloody god. "What the hell is going on?" he asks her disbelieving, "What are you _doing? _I don't believe this I, I leave for five minutes and you…Kagura what is _wrong _with you!"

"I'm teaching this little shit a lesson," she says seething, wild-eyed. "I'm fighting for my Kyo."

"Are you alright?" asks Hatori, not caring that he's just asked questions, all he wants to do now is make sure that Aki's fine. He scoops him up and Aki thrashes, insists that Hari let him down right now. "But this is the best way I can keep you safe…" he mutters, letting go as Tohru's sprinting up the stairs.

"I'm _fine!" _he barks, scrabbling on scraped-up hands to Kagura. She's shouting explanations down the stairs and asking if the folks below won't give her their support. They're motionless, silent and stunned while upstairs Tohru's spasming, pleading with Kagura to play nice. "Shut up!" Aki screams, "I don't need you to jump to my defense all the time you stupid bitch, I'm _God!" _And for once he does not cough as he completes this, Aki drags himself to standing up. "I'm God and anyone who crosses me gets hurt."

His hand rests between the blades of her shoulders. Kagura turns around.

Eyes wide, she almost protests. But he pushes her before she can.

She pitches forward, grabs for the banister. She falls.

"I'm God," Akito says in a voice like pouring concrete, "I'm God."

The boys on the first floor run to catch her, and she lands in Shi-chan's arms. They look to Hari but he doesn't run to check her health. He stares transfixed at Akito. He doesn't even move.

Time starts for him when Aki starts to cough. Then it's racing crazy and he's still not thinking of Kagura. She's hit the stairs and spitting blood, Shi-chan's forcing her to stand and stop her sobbing. "Haa-san, we need you down here now, I think she's really hurt." He says this like it matters, like Akito's needs are not the world.

But Tohru steps in, she _usurps _him, says that _she'll _look after God while he goes off to play veterinarian. To tend to that treacherous hog. Akito's coughs turn into vomiting, there's sky-blue in the cloudbank of his face but this is not supposed to matter now, it's _Kagura _who counts. The _bitch. _

He rages down a one-man stampede, rips the limbs of her from Shi-chan's shirt. "You'd better be hurt," he snarls, "you'd better be in _agony. _If I don't see a bone sticking out somewhere then I will…god how can you even _breathe _knowing what you did?"

"You're right," she says, "I _should _be ashamed, I didn't hurt that bastard bad enough! He's still _alive!" _And she wrenches free of Shigure entirely, shakes off any pain she might be feeling, spits some blood. "I'm _not _sorry, I'm not _going _to be unless he says that we can honor Kyo!"

"Well you're doing an excellent job, you're acting _just _like him, the way that makes me glad now that he's dead!" Hari nearly shrieks this last bit and she stares at him, wide eyes wobbling at the thought.

She cries. Torrents pour from her for Kyo, and Hari doesn't even blink. He just walks back up the stairs to tend to Akito.

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Nana: Okay, chapter five's done. I don't even _know _how all that's going to resolve itself…if anyone would care to suggest something I'll be glad to hear. I mean I have some really vague ideas, but there isn't anything concrete. So don't kill me if the next chapter takes a little bit more time than this one did! Anyway I always love to hear what my little clutch of readers think! If there's something that you want to see happen, I'll consider it for sure!

Anyways, I must away! Review and have a lovely day!


	6. Love

A/N: Okay, I'm now officially a college student. So since I've got to go to class now, and do homework, and make vague attempts at a social life, writing goes slowly. I know it was going to slowly during the summer too, but bear with me. I always post eventually, right? Anyway this is a pretty important chapter, and I hope that you'll enjoy! This chapter contains some shonen ai, and if that makes you feel like you need several showers you should skip out now. It's just a kiss for now though, I'll warn you when it gets worse.

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Burnt Rice

Chapter Six - Love

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After the barest of tending Hatori's thrown out of Aki's room, cut off before he's done the things he thinks God needs to live. Tohru's banned too, the baby's banned and so is everybody, he can't and will not say this but he wants to cry alone. They can hear him sobbing, the insulation may be great but it's got nothing on an ear pressed up against the door. The saviors set up camp outside, knowing that they can't barge in but unable to leave the door either. Tohru hugs her baby girl so hard she writhes off crying, Tohru turns to tearing up her nails as a distraction. "He's really miserable in there," she mutters, "I wish I could go in and _help _him I...I mean I don't know _what _I could do, but he's always so scared of being alone so I don't _why _he's shut us out and I just want to _be _with him I..." She slows down, stops her words and tips her head back, wondering if she will cry. Her throat's a knot but the tears don't pour, she doesn't feel that she deserves it in the face of Akito. "I don't even know what happened...why was Kagura...why did she...?"

"She attacked him because she's selfish and insane," snaps Hatori, wincing as Akito's screaming breaks off into coughs. "She wanted a funeral for Kyo, which Akito denied her, and her response was to run upstairs and beat him senseless. She's an idiot and she doesn't think things through, she doesn't realize that when she hurts God she hurts the rest of us, and if she does she doesn't care. And I don't care if she hurt herself falling down the stairs." He sighs, leans back to stare with Tohru at the ceiling. "All I care about right now is if Akito's okay."

"He's not, though," she says, "he's not okay at all. He's crying and it sounds as if he's very sick so...I couldn't do anything about that but you could and…do you think there's any way that we could get in there?" Tohru paws the doorway, tunes in again to Aki's howling. Droning music cuts the wailing, Aki's jacked the volume up so loud that they can't hear him, this must have been the point. "Oh god that's got to be killing his head he...I'm sure he really wants us there, it's just his pride that's keeping him from...Hari do you think we could break down the door?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Hatori says, though his first thought is that he'd love to. "If he wants to be alone then he has every right, and anyway its not as if we've got the money for another door. We're not going in there Tohru."

"Than why are we out here?" she asks him, "what's the point of staying if we aren't going to help him? I _know _him Hari, I know he wants us with him he just...he can't say it, that's all. He's too proud to say how much he needs us but he _does_, it must be killing him to lay there all alone." She's swiping tears now, her unworthiness dissolving with the thought that she can save him. Her child's melting sleeping in her arms and this makes her feel like she's immortal, like she can fix everything that's broken in Poor Baby. If they'd only let her in she'd work her magic, run her hands through greasy matted hair.

"The point," states Hatori, "is that we'd be nervous wrecks if we couldn't hear him. Maybe it's just a Juunishi thing, but I can't leave this spot. I suppose you probably can so you should...you should go." He sighs as he says this, grabs her scrabbling hands and takes them from the door. "If you act desperate you'll only pressure him, I don't want him to feel as if he has to let us in."

"I'm not acting desperate," she whimpers, baby-head brushing her lips. Hari laughs and tells her that 'let's break down the door' sounds more than desperate, it sounds totally insane. "I'm sorry," Tohru says, "I'm just worried I...well I don't want to pressure him. You...you'll let me know if something happens, right?"

"Do you have a cell phone?" Hari asks, face buried briefly in his hands. "If there's reason for you to be here then I doubt I'll be able to leave him so..." She shakes her head, she hasn't got one and Hatori sighs some more. "Go find Yuki then, he's got a phone and I'll contact you through him."

Aside from Kagura, Yuki-kun's the last person in the world she'd like to see right now. Around him things are awkward, she's always twitching for her Akito, thinking Yuki-kun's like him and acting wrongly. Besides, she isn't sure which side he'll take, if Kagura's a hero or a monster in his eyes. And there's no way she can skirt around the issue, open up her mouth without talking it out. She doesn't want to fight him and she doesn't want to choose a side, betray Poor Baby with the thoughts she won't let form. For Yuki-kun she ought to hate him, for Akito she should despise the world. So she doesn't want to see him, doesn't want to deal, it doesn't matter, Hari's eyebrows form a line that say there's no negotiations. "Enjoy yourself," he says, "and if you wouldn't mind asking him about his breathing that'd be good. I'm sure this whole ordeal has been stressful for him, and that isn't good for his lungs."

"Not a problem!" Tohru squeaks, wondering if this actually matters to Hatori, and why it doesn't matter much to her at all. "Do you know where he is right now? Everybody just sort of took off after what happened, so I didn't really see..."

"Call him," Hari says, tossing her a toast-thin phone. She dutifully plunks in the numbers, brushes her hair back and waits. She's going to want Yuki if it kills her.

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He meets her in the hallway, after being dragged from sleep by Tohru's call. He hadn't been tired but now he's a mess, and he's thinking now that sleeping to avoid people is probably a bad idea. It takes him ages just to force himself awake, and when he walks out and sees Tohru-kun slack jawed and bored he nearly begs for her forgiveness. Tohru just smiles, says she's sorry to spring this on him so suddenly, really she wouldn't bother him at all if she didn't need to have a phone. "I'm sure I'll be out of your hair soon," she promises, "Akito's going to want me with him any minute now."

"It's fine Tohru-kun," he tells her laughing, "I _enjoy _your company, you can hang around as long as you like. It gets really boring around here you know, it's good to have somebody to...I mean it gets...well..." He trails off, thinking that he maybe shouldn't finish, that what he means to say is just too much for her to take. He was going to say: it gets lonely. His desolation doesn't mean a thing to him, but Tohru-kun might start flailing to fix it, run off on a guilt trip because it's somehow all her fault. He can see it already, he's said too much and she's lowered her eyes, hands clutching at the grey cotton of her daughter's dress.

"I'm sorry," she squeaks, "I'm so sorry Yuki I...I should have been spending more time with you I...you might not have been so bored if I did. I mean," she freaks, "not to say that I'm so special and interesting that I could entertain you! I just mean I should have tried I..." Then she stops, panting frantic and Yuki-kun just smiles at her, tries as best as he can not to laugh.

"Tohru-kun, it's _okay. _Boredom isn't the worst thing in the world, and it's certainly not your job to _entertain _me. All I meant is that I like having you around, it doesn't mean you _have _to be, I know that you have your own life with your baby and with...with Akito. I'm actually really surprised that you managed to escape him after...well I'm just glad to see you. Please don't feel sad about that."

"I don't," she says, "I really don't I just...was worried. Because I've been ignoring you and I..." _I'm not sure who else you've really got. _"You haven't left the house much so..." _You must be ready to kill yourself, so lonely that you wish you could be dead, oh Yuki... _"I just want to make sure you're okay. I mean you're not still...the way you were the last time that we talked? I guess the whole thing with Kyo must have displaced that but..." _You've been looking so depressed..._

"I'm fine," he tells her, sitting down because he still feels tired, it doesn't matter that they're in the hall. "Everything from before was just angsting, and you know I never really liked Kyo so...I mean it bothers me, but not enough to really merit anything I...I'm fine. What I want to know is how _you _are Tohru, everything that's happened must be devastating to you."

She sits too, cuddles Taeko as she tries to squirm away. _"I'm _fine," she insists, "K-kyo, Kyo's gone, there's nothing I can do about it so I...it doesn't hurt. I'm not going to let it because..." _I'm not good enough for pain. _"He wouldn't want it to. Kyo wouldn't want me to be sad over him he...I mean when Akito dies I'll have to be very sad. Because that's what _he'd _want but Kyo's not like him so...I'm just babbling I...I don't think I want to talk about this now I...I'm just so confused I...how's Kagura?"

Yuki shrugs, wonders if they'll ever open up and say the things they mean, if what she really wants has anything to do with him. All he wants to say is that he thinks she's beautiful, that Akito's a madman and she's absolutely got to leave him for someone else who cares. Like him, because with every passing second now he loves her more. She says that she wants to talk about Kagura. It's clear she's lying but he doesn't give, Kagura's fine to talk about since neither of them care. "She's got a bit of a limp but I think she's alright physically. She's still furious of course but she...she's okay. I think everybody is except for..."

"Akito," she whispers, hands forming fists that coat her heart. "Akito is not okay. He won't let anybody in to see him, but I could hear him...he was crying so hard and I, I couldn't go in there to make it better I...I'm so worried about him he...he was so sad." Tears stream in sympathy, Tohru rambles on for ages about the plight of her Poor Baby. This what she'd meant to say, this is all that fills her head now and it kills her that she could care less about Kagura, or the memory of Kyo. Her daughter in her arms means absolutely nothing, just the weight of her's repulsive since it should be Aki laying there. If Yuki coughs right now she thinks she'll kill him, if Taeko cries she'll go insane. Helping anybody else is blasphemy, she wants Aki Aki Aki and oh god Yuki's staring like _he _wants to cry and _what the hell is she supposed to do? _"I uh...I'm sorry. For talking about him I..."

"No," says Yuki, "no don't apologize. We're never going to be able to talk about anything if you say you're sorry after every word. You can talk about Akito, we've been over this Tohru, I know that he's the most important thing to you so of course...look it's _fine. _I mean it, it is. Just say what you want to so that I..." _So that I don't make a fool of myself saying I love you. _

"So that I'll shut up sooner and you don't have to listen to me?" she sobs, not meaning it and knowing Yuki wouldn't think this way. So she begs again for forgiveness, says she'll shut her mouth she swears it's just that _Akito..._

"Just tell me about him." He picks up her hand, strokes coarse skin and hopes that she won't notice. "I know you think that you should care about other things more, but you don't. Just accept it and say what you need to say."

Tohru swipes at tears and sniffles, takes a deep breath and begins to talk, says, "I almost don't want to go back in there. It feels awful knowing I'm not good enough to care for him but I...I'm scared to see him. I wouldn't know how to make it better, I don't know if I even _agree _with him. And he pushed Kagura down a flight of steps he...he was so _angry _and I know that I've seen that before but...it scares me. It really scares me that the person who I love so much is capable of doing that."

"She's alright though," Yuki tells her, "Kagura's just fine."

"It's not only that though, he's done a lot of other things that make me _sick. _What he's done to you, and Hari, and my baby, he's _beaten up Taeko. _He's so sorry and he's so sad about it but then he has these _rages _and he won't even let me _help him..." _She stops, watches Yuki's fingers drifting up her wrists. "I don't know what to do. I can't be away from him for five minutes without worrying, and I thought he couldn't be away from me but he...he can. He's always screaming at me to leave the room and go get Hatori he...we're supposed to get married and it seems like he likes _him _more than _me_. And he doesn't like our daughter, he still sees her as Kyo's and sometimes _I _don't even like her because _he _doesn't. I just want us to be a family but it isn't working I...I keep telling myself that he doesn't hate me but he _acts _like it and I...I really don't want him to hate me..."

"He doesn't hate you," Yuki swears, voice soft as a slipper. "There's nothing in you anyone could hate."

"Oh Yuki-kun," she giggles, "I could list a million things. But I won't because you'll disagree with me, and I know how much it hurts to hear someone you care about insult themselves. Lets...lets talk about something happy now, if we can. Or do something fun together."

Yuki looks up at the ceiling, tries to think if there's anything to do in this house that could be called fun, if he's had any fun at all since moving here. And then he thinks that what they really need is to get the hell out of here, escape the chaos of the Sohma for a time. "There's this playground nearby that all the kids I knew used to go to...I didn't much but I know where it is, maybe we could take Taeko there?" He smiles as he makes the suggestion, acts as if he'd really like to do this so that Tohru will say yes. Because she needs to get out, _he _needs to get out, and the baby's never _been _outside before.

"Sure," she says, lips pinned into a smile of her own. "I mean as long as it's not too far. I need to be able to run back here if Aki needs me."

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Formless crying gains a shape, thrashing music switches off and Hari leans in closer towards the door. His name's called out in a reedy whine, followed by decades of coughing and a shriek for the saviors in to see to him, now. Hari bolts inside when his name's called, kneels panting by the bed where Aki's tossed himself, where his broken leg is dangling unsupported on the floor. "Are you alright?" he asks, sitting awkward on the edge of holding him. "I know you must be miserable about what happened. I know that you probably can't forgive her. I…I understand, I can't forgive her either. What she did to you was absolutely unacceptable and I'm disgusted, I'm _enraged_ on your behalf." He quakes with anger now because Aki's not showing it, the kid's just lying there silent and stewing, God knows what he's feeling but he won't give Hatori a clue. So this is why he's ranting, why he's spewing things that _he _thinks, maybe he should shut his mouth and wait for Akito.

Two minutes pass and then ten, with Aki's raspy breathing sounding like a bomb. Aki clings to the bed with brittle fingers, knowing Hari hates this, that he's _suffering _and Aki doesn't do a thing. Tension mounts and he stifles his coughs, he's giggling mentally at his doctor's agitation. Someone's got to suffer somehow, the monstrous hog's not here and he'll punish her later, this is probably what he wants Hatori for, he doesn't know. And he's bullshitting himself, he realizes, he's not quiet to hurt him, he's freakin' _terrified _to talk, he can't trust Hari not to hurt him if he says something that's wrong.

"Akito…?" he finally says, nerves too shot to take this anymore. "Tell me how you're doing, please…I can't leave you, not when you're like this. It's my…it's my job to make sure that you're healthy, and stress is bad for your health so…just tell me if you're alright or not, please."

Two more minutes. Five more minutes and _finally _he says, "I'm fine." And then he coughs, then he spews his lungs onto the floor and Hari tells him that he's not, not physically and not emotionally, no actually he's wrecked. "I said I'm _fine!" _he snaps, still hacking. "Fucking believe me once in a while! Look I'm not as pathetic as you think I am, I can _take _shit when people throw it at me. So just leave me alone, okay!"

"You _asked _me to come in here," he sighs, adjusting his leg so he doesn't destroy it. "I understand that this is difficult for you, but that doesn't mean that you can just…well I guess you can, you can do whatever you like because you're God but I…I'd really _like _it if you'd tell me…at least what's wrong with you physically. Do you need painkillers?"

"How could you even _ask _that!" Aki snaps, knowing that he shouldn't rage because the man'll kill him, he can't help it though because he's fearful, cornered, hands shaking and burying his face. "Of _course _I need painkillers, I _always _need painkillers, I'm _constantly _in pain! But that's not even the point. K…K-kagura…Kagura…"

And then that's it, he's bawling, Akito's clawing for Hari and falling apart in his arms. He shushes him, pets him, says that yes yes yes he knows, he knows and it's awful and he's sorry and he loves him and he's broken but he'll fix him fix him, yes. He's going to be healed, yes, and Kagura punished. "You could put her in the cage," he says, "would you like that? Would that make you feel any better?"

He shakes his head, cries harder like Hari's just made everything much worse. "What's wrong now?" he asks him, pulling him so close he thinks he'll break him, that this spun-glass God will shatter in his hands. "What's wrong now, Akito?"

"Y-you, you said you loved me," Aki sobs, "and you don't mean it all."

Two more minutes and he's wondering if he does, and _how _he does, or if that sentence just sprang out of nowhere. When he realizes how hard it is just to move his arms he knows; he adores him. Not only as his baby cousin, not even only as his God but as his Kana, his what Sakurako might have been. He wants an absolutely perfect world for him and that's impossible, he wants everyone who'd cause him pain destroyed. "I do," he says, "I love you. More than anything, God, what will prove it? I'll do anything." _Anything. _When has he ever offered up his soul like this? He wouldn't have even done _anything _for darling Kana.

"…stay here…stay here holding me…and kiss me just before I fall asleep…" he tells him, voice static and dreamy like he's reciting lyrics from a song. "…and kiss me when Tohru-kun's watching…"

Hari nods and Hari holds him, Hari watches him breathing and beautiful and God good God he can't wait for him to drift off so he can kiss him. The second that his eyes fall shut he dives into his mouth.

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Nana: Oi. That was tough. I'm sorry for the wait but good God. That was really difficult. I haven't been able to concentrate fully because I keep thinking I should be outside meeting people or something. But I've no clue how to go about that when most people have classes, and anyway it's cold. So I finished. I hope that you enjoyed it all, and I swear I'll get the next chapter out sooner just so long as you review. I've already got a major scene written, so go me! The plot's actually starting to move!


	7. Distortion

A/N: Hello and welcome back to Burnt Rice! This was, like the rest of them, a difficult chapter for me to right. I think I probably spent more time bugging my friends about it then actually writing, not that that's different then usual, but yeah.

This chapter focuses mostly on Tohru-kun, and the warping and changing of her feelings for Akito. It's not a happy chapter, not by any stretch of the imagination. But there will be happiness again at some point…though it'll probably be of a rather spiteful nature. Anyways, read on and enjoy yourselves!

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Burnt Rice

Chapter Seven – Distortion

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Tohru sets her kid up in a baby swing, props her with a pillow since she's probably too small. She knows it isn't really safe, that she should wait a couple months for this but Taeko-chan has never known a single thing that's fun. Tohru can't imagine when the girl will get the chance again, so she settles her in and starts pushing. When the swing goes up she kicks her feet, shrieks and flails and reaches out for Mommy. Tohru swoops her up so fast the tears stop, now she's gaping open-mouthed and struggling for freedom. "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry if you didn't like the swings," Mommy murmurs, hands through her baby's hair and Taeko once again starts sobbing. "I'm sorry, we don't have to do that anymore. It's okay. It's okay. Mommy's here."

She and Yuki walk in silence to sit on a park bench, and it takes twenty minutes just to lull the baby into sleep. Yuki spends the whole time hanging back, this is awkward and it's not his kid, he hasn't a clue what he should do. "It's so strange," muses Tohru, "I always loved the swings when I was little, so I thought that she would too...do you think that maybe she's just too small? I wasn't thinking, I…I wanted to do some fun for her but she _hated _it she..." Tohru sighs, Tohru tips her head back, taps her feet and she doesn't say anything. Yuki coughs to fill the silence, tries to think of ways to phrase the thing he plans to say. It might make it worse but he thinks she should know, it's important.

"Tohru-kun, did Akito ever...well you said he beat her, right? Did he ever...drop her, or throw her, or anything like that?"

She shrugs, says she'd run in on time to see the aftermath, that she hadn't a clue what he'd done to her baby. "If he did, then being on the swing may have felt the same. She's too little to understand that the swing will bear her up, to her it would feel like free-fall, like being thrown across the room. And she might have thought that she'd get beaten. I...I don't think it was just that she's too small. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but when I was a kid I couldn't tie my shoes for three months because I accidentally snapped a lace on my hand and it reminded me of...well you know. You don't need to hear about that."

Tohru takes his hand, squeezes his fingers so hard it almost hurts him. "I'm sorry Yuki. I'm so sorry that he did that to you. I know I didn't know him then and I couldn't have stopped him but I...I'm _beyond _sorry. I...I'm going to change him, I...I'll turn him into someone who can make it up to you. I will make him different, Yuki."

"You can't," he says, "I tried for years and it's not possible. Akito doesn't change, he just keeps doing the same thing over and over again, and he will be this way until he dies. He abuses and manipulates everybody around him, he feels awful all the time and wants the rest of us to feel it too. He's never going to care about anyone but himself."

"That's not true!" insists Tohru-kun, knuckles clenching at her knees. "He cares about other people he...he cares about me, he _needs _me. And he apologized to you for what he did, I know that doesn't excuse it but give him a break! He loves you Yuki, he might not say it but he does, I _know _he does and he _can _change if he just has somebody to help him, he...he..." She trails off, knowing that she too has tried for years and this is useless, she really might not be able to fix him. "I want to make him better. I want to make him happy. I'd give anything for that but it...it's hopeless, isn't it? He'll never change."

Slowly, Yuki nods. "There's nothing left for you in Akito...you can't help him, you can't make him into someone else. So don't you think that you owe it to yourself to find a better situation? And to Taeko? I...I know you don't want her to grow up in a home like that. I know you don't want her growing up like I did. Akito's only going to get worse, you should go."

"I love him though..." she moans, face in her hands because she's crying now, poor Tohru-kun can't take her meaning being shattered. "And he'll get so much worse without me, I'm his _honeybee, _he loves me so how could I ever..."

"He doesn't. I don't think he can. What he loves is the way you treat him. I've seen you two together and you _pity _him _so much. _He wants everyone to know what a poor, wretched little thing he is. You know that, but at the same time you fear and respect him and that's what he wants. That's exactly what he wants and no one else can give it to him." He shakes his head. "He doesn't love _you_. He never has."

"How could you know that?" Tohru asks, wanting more than anything to just shut down, not have this awful conversation. She scoots away from Yuki-kun, repelled, angles her baby away from him. "You have no idea, you don't know anything about him, he _adores _me, he couldn't live without me and it doesn't _matter _why."

"Listen to yourself Tohru-kun, all you're saying is he's _needy, _he wants you around to fill a roleThat's got nothing to do with love, he needs Hatori to stay alive but it's not like he loves him…" Yuki stops, realizing he's hurting her and this is not the way to act. "I'm sorry Tohru I'm not…I'm not trying to be cruel to you, I'm just telling you the truth because I care. I don't want you to suffer, you're so…you're so much more than Akito deserves, and he's so much less than you do I…I should stop talking now, right?

She nods, swiping tears from her cheeks and cuddling Taeko. "I…I truly believe that he loves me, in all the ways he can. He's self-absorbed, he's got to be or he couldn't take care of himself…I don't think much about myself so if I were that sick I'd ignore important things and probably die. So maybe he can't love me as much as I do him. And maybe I do play a role for him, but he plays one for me too…that's not so terrible. I'm sure he wishes he could love me more, and I'm _positive _he'd be destroyed if I left him." She sighs. "It's just not something I can do. In fact, I think I want to set a date for the wedding…I should talk to him about it soon."

"Tohru—" Yuki starts, stops. There's no point to this, he's making her sad and he hates that, hates her for being sensitive enough to make him guilty. Instead he reaches for the baby girl, shifts her towards himself the best he can without transforming. If Mom won't leave then Baby needs protection, Yuki's going to have to stick around and keep her safe from Aki's 'treat-the-kid-like-shit' games. He's supposed to go home but Aki's bound to wreck the baby, he can't possibly leave this girl to live like him. He could call child services, get her free and safe and fuck the family up…no. No he cannot do that, and he cannot stay in this place and stay sane. So in the end he's still a fucking loser, in the end he can't do a thing and he wants to hit Tohru, kiss her, do something with the love and hate that's smashing his brain into atomic mash. She's breaking the baby, breaking herself but he loves her, _worships the very ground on which she walks and _NO! No no no _he does not feel this way! _"Tohru…"

"Yes Yuki-kun?" she says, voice clotted and cracking but she isn't crying now. She's composed, she's calm and Yuki could kill her, Yuki stands up.

"Y-you, you should go. A-akito might n-need you."

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The lines of anger soften as he slides into sleep, his shoulders lose their spastic hunching and his breathing—still erratic—doesn't make it sound like he will die. The claws of his bones change into hands, his eyes shut as if they'll stay that way when he stops trying. Hatori watches this peace with confusion, strokes the unknitted eyebrows on Akito's tranquil face. This makes no sense, his lungs should be collapsing and his poor mind wracked with nightmares, why in the world is he so _calm? _

Hatori's not calm. He's wired, high on the cough syrupy taste of Akito's breath. He has not kissed anyone since Sakurako, he's _never _kissed a man before or felt this _warmth…_it's Aki's fever, clearly. Medical facts will make this meaningless if he lets them, and he won't, not now. Akito will be a radiator, a constant source of heat for Hari's cold. Akito will be the sun, a stretch of desert, hot coffee splashed across his shirt on purpose, anything that's hot aside from sickness. He will be magical, he will be God. And he will heal himself in sleep.

He stirs and breaks the spell.

He coughs. Chokes and heaves with gasping breaths, blood drooling down his face until he finds the strength to wipe it clean. He cannot be calm and he cannot be well, Akito is now pure fever. Hatori looks on and it kills him, he wants to medicate this kid past feeling, make him better forever right now. But this is how he is. Choking baby. Boy with the blood in his mouth. He's crying again.

Can Hatori possibly fix this?

Is there any way that kissing him again could make it better?

This is reality, not magic. Neither one of them is Tohru. Even she can't do a thing.

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She peeks in nervously, bouncing Taeko up and down in hopes of shushing her. Her shrieks are vile, Mommy wants to throw the kid across the room. When that awful thought appears she nearly cries, no she doesn't want to be like this at all. Is Yuki right; is being with Akito ruining her baby? She…she…oh she can't even _care _right now, she just wants to see her Akito, screw Taeko, she doesn't care and she's an awful person, whatever she's not waiting outside anymore, she's barging in and sitting on his bed.

It's bad timing, Hari's in the middle of helping him into another kimono. Tohru-kun's face flames when she sees her Akito unclothed, it doesn't matter that they've fucked and she's seen this thousands of times, she's still embarrassed. And there's no reason to be, there's nothing happening but Hari looks humiliated too. "He said he was too hot," he says, guilt in his voice and she ignores it, she cannot take another thing gone wrong. "It's nearly summer now."

"Yes!" she squeaks, "yes it is! Summer would be a great time for a wedding, don't you think? We could have it out in the courtyard, wouldn't that be lovely? I was thinking maybe late August, since it'd be difficult to arrange too much before that, but we really should get on it, don't you think? An engagement can only last so long before it just gets silly!"

"You've been loyal enough," Akito drawls, roughly tossing on the last of the kimono. There is no love in his voice and it kills her. "Unless I find you've betrayed me again, that is. I'll die soon enough anyway, and we may as well set you up in your holy position. You are the Virgin Mary after all."

Tohru gasps, hand over her mouth and she knows he doesn't mean this, doesn't think that he really hates her all that much. "Is that what you think?" she asks. "Have I ever said _anything _about wanting power? I would hardly get it just for marrying you and I…that isn't _why _I want to do that I…don't you know I love you?"

Silence yawns around them for a time, no Akito doesn't know this. The Sohma's split up into camps and though she stays on his it's obvious she cares for Kyo. Every time she opens her mouth, every time she drags that wretched baby in this room she reminds him what she's done. Shoves it in his face, and he hates her. It's _her_ fault that the cat is gone, that the Zodiac's shattered into a million little pieces in his arms. God needs a new cat, God needs a baby and this little traitor can be the carrier. But she is not his honeybee, he is hardening to her, hating her now that he is not so close to dying.

She has cheated. She has made his life into a hell. Only Hari can be trusted, Hari's words are golden, his suggestion is the best one in the world. "Look," he says, "if you want to prove it then do something for me. Go get Kagura and throw her in the cage. She needs to be punished and it's not like I can walk." He coughs, lies back against the bed and asks her if Kagura's worth more to her than he is, if she will deny him in the face of her treachery.

"No!" she squeaks, flailing for forgiveness. "Oh no of _course _she's not, she's just, I don't, I don't care about her! Not at all!" And up she shoots, upsetting her baby and knocking a bottle of pills from the bed. She picks them up and doesn't notice that she's jostling the baby, just bows and says she'll do it right this minute, she just needs the keys and then she's gone.

"Then go," he tells her, throwing her the keys. "What are you still doing here?"

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Taking Taeko out of Daddy's bed, Tohru tromps outside. The child's squawking, Tohru can't believe she has the nerve to make a sound. The reedy shrieks almost sound like words, she's going "ba ba ba" and Mommy can't be bothered, Mommy's got _work _to do, _important _work to make the focus of her life adore her. If she acts violently against her nature then he'll think she's good, this will _be _her nature now.

She strides out of the room, force beating through her knees with every step. When she finds Kagura her heart's throwing fits against her ribcage, god she hasn't a clue how she will do this. Kagura's slumped at a desk in the guestroom, hair dangling ragged as her head bows to her knees. Photos of Kyo-kun litter the floor, crumpled tissues strewn among them. It's clear she's been crying her eyes out, clear she hasn't bathed or changed her clothes in days. "What are you doingin here?" she snarls, fingers curled around a particularly bedraggled picture. "Tohru I don't want to see you, why would you think that I wanted to see you? You're on _their _side and you took my Kyo from me. You actually _had _him and you didn't even _want…_look just get out of here, okay?"

Kagura makes no move to shove her out, and so Tohru finds it hard to think she means it. Instead she leans her head against the doorway, sets Taeko down to kick the air and babble. "I'm sorry," she says, voice toneless. "But Akito sent me here…he wanted me to take you to the cage…for your punishment. I um…I'm just doing what he asked me to so don't…I'm sorry…"

"Bullshit you're sorry!" Kagura explodes, pushing up from her desk and sending photos flying. "If you were _sorry _then you wouldn't _do _it, _would you! _If you were _sorry, _you'd fuck Akito into doing what _you _wanted, if you were _sorry _Kyo would have his goddamn _funeral! _Do you know it's been _weeks _since he died? I have finals to make up, I don't have time for this shit Tohru!"

Tohru bows her head, says yes she knows and she _is _sorry, she _is, _but the thing is she went against God and she _hurt _him, does she know she made him cry? Kagura just cackles when she hears this, says that _good, _she's _glad _he's suffering, she'd like very much for him to suffer more. "And the same goes for you you stupid bitch," she spits, "this is your fault too, he wouldn't even be _dead _if not for you. You're a _murderer, _do you know that? You might as well have been the one who fucking drowned him."

Static rises in her brain, yes all of this is all her fault. She's a murderer, she's worthless, yes okay. But Akito can give her worth. All she needs is _his _forgiveness, _his _evaluation of her soul. If she passes his test she's complete, if she can just ignore morality for five more minutes and summon up some _strength…_

Tohru steps forward, steps over her daughter and makes a grab for Kagura's wrist. Kagura evades her, zapping back against the bed and forming fists so she can hit her if she tries again. "Please stay still," begs Tohru-kun, hysterical and drained. "Please just let me do this…"

"Oh _sure," _she spits, "oh of _course _Tohru, I'll let you lock me up in a crap-encrusted cage, no _problem. _Are you out of your fucking _mind!" _

"I'm sorry I just…this is what Akito wants and he…he's your God. He's your God and you ought to respect that. I do." Tohru sighs, reaches out again for Kagura. She keeps keeping back, considers clawing spitting running _out of here_, but the window's closed and Tohru's coming, she could beat her bloody but that's not the best idea. For a minute she's just paralyzed, scared shitless and soaking up her back with sweat. Tohru-kun looks like a _zombie, _her kid starts screaming and she doesn't even _care. _"I want to make him happy," Tohru says. "Don't you?"

"No!" she screams, "no I don't I want him _miserable,_ I _told _you that, I want tumors in his lungs, I want him _dead!" _

Tohru doesn't answer, she can't conceive of this, can't argue. Her mind's on autopilot, there's no room for this blasphemy here. Again she grabs for Kagura, again she fails and Kagura steps away, grabs a rolling suitcase and starts stuffing in clothes. "I'm not staying here," she says, "this is crap. I'm not the cat, there's nothing that says that he can cage me. I'm out."

With that she pushes violently past Tohru-kun, dragging just a fraction of her things. The door clangs shut and Tohru sinks to the floor, staring blankly at her screeching child. She has failed Poor Baby. She has failed her God.

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Nana: She has failed her God. Man. _I _didn't even expect her to start thinking like that. Poor little brainwashed Tohru-kun. Oh well, this story _is _called Burnt Rice, which indicates that Tohru isn't going to have it so good…Akito's finally got the strength to be angry at her over Kyo. Not that he _hasn't _been, but up 'til now he's been too busy just surviving. And poor Yuki-kun's just getting nowhere…unrequited love sucks ass. Who knows, he may win her yet! (I really don't know. If anyone has any suggestions about anything, that'd be great. Just PM me!)

So yeah, I hope you liked this chapter. I'll try to get another one out soon, I've got spiffy plans for it. You'll see. While you're waiting, you might check out Raikune's fics, 'Drifting Away', 'Desperation', and 'Sympathy For The Devil.' The one's that start with D's are Akito/Hatori, and the other one's Akito/Tohru…I figure anybody reading this fic would like those too, they're some of the best fanfics I've seen and besides, she gave me plug so I've got to return the favor.

Now please please please review me? I'll give you cookies! And um, possibly and probably check out your fics too. I usually do that, 'cause I'm nice.


	8. Competition

A/N: I will not be even the slightest bit surprised if no one reads this. It's been months, and for that I'm really sorry. I had every intention of continuing this fic, but I ran into a couple of snags. First of all, there's an issue with the timeline—I need a graduation scene, but graduation? Technically doesn't happen at this time of year in Japan. However, the way things are set up, I couldn't do it later without time warps, and I couldn't skip it all together. I didn't think it through properly. Also, I found a new fandom, Death Note, which I've been writing a lot of fic for these days. I still love Fruits Basket, but finding something shiny and new made it difficult to keep up with my old projects. Also, I have no idea where I'm going with this story. I need serious help if I'm going to write beyond this chapter.

Anyway, here's the long awaited chapter eight. Please leave a review if you read it, reviews make me incredibly happy.

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Burnt Rice

Chapter Eight – Competition

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Tohru slinks in hours later, ready to grovel, ready to beg but Aki's sleeping. It's been ages and it's late at night, he rarely has the strength to stay awake past nine. Taeko's whining, Tohru's told to tend to her and leave, sleep somewhere else besides with Akito tonight. "He's not exactly in the best of moods," warns Hatori, "and he really isn't feeling well. If you go in there you'll wake him up, he needs his sleep and besides, now's not the time for a showdown. Tomorrow's a big day, he's going to have to leave the house for the first time since Kyo…well you know."

"Is he?" she asks, patting Taeko on the back in hopes of shushing her, waking Akito's the last thing in the world she wants to do. "Didn't you just say he wasn't feeling well though, shouldn't this wait until he's better?"

Hari sighs, shuts the door all the way and straightens his shirt. "If it were something he could be persuaded out of then yes. But its Yuki's graduation, I don't plan to even try."

She freezes, eyebrows twitching, she'd forgotten about school. With her family screeching demands in her ears every minute she hasn't had the time to think or care. And she hasn't been to school, not for months, she's missed the year and she…she will not graduate. She has failed not only God but Mommy too, she can hardly see how she deserves to live. But she won't wallow in it, she'll smile and ask for the details, let Hatori believe she's fine. "Really?" she says, "when is it? Can I come too?"

Hatori nods, says he's not sure she'd enjoy it but she's welcome if she wants. "We're leaving at 9 AM, so be ready. You might want to leave the baby behind, or give her a light tranquilizer to keep her quiet. I'm sure you don't want to draw too much attention to yourself."

It's true; she is the Sohma's shame, the failure and the whore. They keep her and they try to love her but she sees the way it might be hard. She's wrecked their Christ and killed their Cat, they don't want anyone to see her. Of course. "I can't leave her home," she says, "there's nobody to watch her. But I'll make sure she stays quiet, don't worry."

Again Hatori nods. "9AM," he repeats, and walks off.

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Tohru wakes up to a cramped back and a screaming baby, to Yuki rushing through the house to get ready. He seems to be missing his shoes or something, he looks a bit panicked and it's Tohru's first instinct to help him. But Taeko's been bellowing all night, she's hardly slept and she can't bring herself to move. All she can do is place a hand over the baby's mouth, pray that her yelling hasn't woken Akito. Pray that she can make it through this celebration faking happiness for Yuki. Well, not faking, she _is _happy, she's thrilled for him, it's just…she was…well anyway. Time to focus on the whole waking up thing.

She does. She ignores her exhaustion, the pain in her back. It's irrelevant, this is not her day. The only time the way she felt meant anything was on the day that she gave birth. Even then Aki tried to outdo her. Tohru yawns, sits up and jiggles the baby, begs her for silence and then Yuki walks by, says, "Tohru, do you need any help?"

"Oh, no!" she squawks, violently shaking her head, hair flying everywhere, no she hasn't even had the time to comb it out. "It's fine, I'm fine, Taeko-chan's fine you, you need to get ready! Do _you _need any help?"

Yuki shakes his head, says he thinks he knows where his shoes are, and other than that he's good to go. "Let me just try something," he says, moving towards her with his arms half out, he'd like to hug her, exploit the curse for the child's amusement. But Taeko might end up scared, and anyway he just can't bring himself to finish up, he's frozen. Tohru doesn't want him touching her. If she feels anything for him he's sure it's obligation, silent loathing that's deserved. Instead he smiles, bends down to Taeko and sticks out his tongue, pulls his eyelids.

The screeching stops, Taeko's curious if not intrigued. She swings her pudgy fists in his direction, makes a grab for his hair and fails at holding it, she squawks a bit about that but she's happy, Taeko's mouth is twitching upwards into…what? A smile? Is this child who's done nothing but sob and shriek going to smile?

Tohru and Yuki stare her down, Yuki keeps making faces as they wait for her to make their morning. She does, she spreads a sloppy grin across her little face and squeaks happily. And this is perfect, a syrupy little moment that ought to bring the family together. But this isn't the family. Kyo's gone and Akito's probably off somewhere puking. Having Yuki here as the cause of her smile is just…well it's _wrong. _Not that Yuki isn't wonderful, not that she wouldn't move Heaven and Earth for him but…this just isn't the family. Akito ought be to be able to make Taeko smile.

"I should get her ready," she says, swooping her up and heading for the spare room where she's been keeping Taeko's things. "We wouldn't want to be late for your graduation…" She trails off, heads for the door and turns around says "Yuki-kun? Thank you so much I…I don't think she's been happy in a long time…I don't know if she _ever _has, so…thank you."

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It takes ages to prepare for this, Taeko's screamy and ballistic and she craps her diapers twice. As expected Aki isn't any easier, his medication was misplaced somehow and the hunt through the house takes ages. He's got to be set up in the wheelchair, dressed despite his broken leg. By the time they're ready Yuki-kun's long gone, it's a major endeavor just to get this group of people out the door.

But they manage and they're in the car, moving at breakneck speed towards the school. Tohru drapes an arm around Akito, buries her face in his unnecessary jacket. They go screeching over a speed bump, causing Taeko to start bellowing and Akito to require help outside the car so he can vomit. She wants to be worried, wants this to matter but this is every day, this is drudgery and she just wants to get to the ceremony smoothly. Helping Akito takes about ten minutes, and when she hops out to do her part she gets a death glare. Hatori doesn't seem to mind a bit, he's got his hand on his back and he doesn't wince when the puke splashes his shoes. There is no glance of sympathy between them when they get back in the car. And Taeko keeps screaming, there is nothing Tohru-kun can do. She has sat there useless. She has failed again.

Akito does not speak to her the whole ride long. He idly chats with Hatori, coughs to fill the gaps in conversation. When Tohru tries to speak she's just ignored. "I'm sorry," she says, "I've made so many mistakes, I…I'm sorry Akito…"

He does not respond, and Tohru can't tell if he knows she's screwed up with Kagura, if he's just angry for the sake of being angry or if she's done something _else _that's wrong. She doesn't ask, she just looks out the window and watches the storefronts that seem to speed by.

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They arrive and file in, lose each other in the hoards of joyful parents. There are Sohmas scattered here somewhere, and Tohru's not sure if the plan is to find them or not. She considers asking Akito, but it occurs to her that he hasn't got much choice about it either, that Hatori's the one steering the wheelchair. Everything they do is up to him.

But apparently they're moving towards them, Ayame and Shigure are waving madly and though Hari may want to ignore them, he can't. A woman Tohru doesn't recognize is glaring their way, and Akito doesn't bother to greet her. He nods at his cousins, rambles on about what a proud day this is for all of them, seeing Yuki-kun graduate and blah blah blah. He doesn't sound enthusiastic. He sounds like he's in pain.

Ayame chuckles, throws his hands on his hips and loudly proclaims that of _course _this is a proud day, it's a crossing-over for his little brother, the day he takes another step towards becoming the sex-god he was always meant to be. Hatori glares at him and Shigure sighs, says "it really isn't the same without Kyo. He should be here too, and Tohru…" He stops. He's not about to tell the world that Tohru-kun has failed.

"I know," she says, ignoring herself and her incompetence. "Kyo-kun worked hard to get this far, it seems so unfair that he died just before graduation."

"It's his own damn fault!" Akito snaps, digging nails into his knees and failing to draw blood. "It's not like he died in some accident or got sick, he _killed himself. _He took his own life, there's no reason to miss him. He wanted this. So everyone just shut up about Kyo!" He's gasping when he's done with this, so tired he could die. His eyes fall shut, Hatori hovers around in case he needs treatment. It's only emotion, Aki isn't even all that sick today, just broken. The Sohmas comply, Kagura isn't here so there's no point in not, they may miss Kyo but they have no right to claim his tragedy, no right to go against their God.

"You're right," says Tohru-kun, once again swallowing grief. "It is his fault…now lets…lets just find a place to sit so we can watch this."

And so they do, they all sit down and wait for the ceremony, it takes ages for anything that matters to occur. Even Tohru doesn't care what the principal or the teachers have to say, and maybe that's a defense mechanism, maybe she'd care if she were up there, but anyway she's just waiting for Yuki. He's supposed to give a speech of some kind, he was either some kind of official or he made the highest grades. Tohru-kun's clueless but whatever it is he'll be speaking.

He walks out looking shaky, he's likely just nervous but Tohru's concerned, she looks over at Akito and he's ripping up his skin. She's about to stop him, cover raging hands with calm ones but one look from Hatori and he's done. They look to the stage, watch Yuki who's adjusting the microphone.

"Hello everyone," he says, still a bit twitchy. Tohru smiles widely, knowing he can't see her from where she's stashed in the back, hoping he has hawk-eyes all the same. "For those of you who don't know me, I'm Sohma Yuki. I apologize to those of you who were hoping for someone more impressive to give the speech, but what can I say, they picked me." And he goes on from there, detailing classroom milestones and how great it is that they've all grown up so much and come so far. This should not be so hard for Tohru-kun to hear. It is, though, and no matter how hard she tries she can't stifle her crying. She should be happy for Yuki but the fact remains; she failed. She didn't graduate, she didn't keep her promise to her mom. And Kyo didn't graduate, either.

Akito shoots her a scathing glance; he's grinding his teeth and not doing any better at concealing how he feels than Tohru is. But he says nothing and she says nothing and they look ahead with everything they have. At Yuki, the shining boy who has everything they wish they had. Who looks like he's about to faint up there.

---------

The ceremony ends and they meet up with Yuki-kun outside, Tohru holding back while everybody else throws their arms around him. She almost does, and it's not the curse that holds her back, she's forgotten. It's Akito. He's got a death grip on her one free hand, and with Taeko in the other there's no way she's hugging Yuki-kun. His fangirls are arriving in droves, every one of them coming over to tell him how wonderful his speech was, how much they love him and will miss him when he's gone. When they're all gone. Everybody's smiling 'til one of the girls, Natsumi or someone, wheels around and sees Tohru with the baby. "Oh my _God," _she gasps, pretending she had no idea that Tohru-kun was pregnant. "When did you have a _baby? _And," she pauses, turns her pseudo-shock into amusement. "Who would have a baby with _you?"_

"What do you mean _who would have a baby with her?" _Akito snarls, tries to launch himself from the wheelchair and attack the girl. She's a bitch, she needs to die _this instant _and if Akito doesn't kill her soon, he'll explode, kill somebody who matters later on. "I can think of a large _number _of people who would, _actually. _Myself included, I'm the father. And your precious _Yuki-kun _included, too. Isn't it obvious that all he wants to do is jump her bones?"

The fangirls stop in their tracks, lock onto Akito. "Ex_cuse _me?" Motoko says, parting through the crowd like Moses through the red sea. "You _dare _to ay such _base _and _perverted _things about Yuki-kun? What, exactly, gives you the right to say such things? Do you know who I am?"

He laughs hysterically, shoots his arms out to wring her neck but Tohru stops him, pleads with him to not get violent, just let this stay an okay day. "I don't give a _flying fuck _who you are. Whoever it is, I win, alright? I'm Yuki's cousin, the head of the Sohma family. Your darling little prince belongs to _me._" With that he grabs for Yuki's hand, crushes it red and glares up at him. "Isn't that right, Yuki?"

Yuki doesn't respond, just looks at the ants crawling in the dirt by his feet. Of course Akito owns him, what more is there to say? The rest of the family looks like they want to protest this, but no one does, they know it's true, and only the fangirls jump to his defense. And what they say means absolutely nothing. "Tohru and Yuki are both my toys," Akito says gleefully, grabbing Tohru's hand again. "And if I want them to fuck each other, then they're just going to have to do it. Maybe I will. Do you think I should do that, Miss whatever-the-hell-your-name-is?"

"Of course not, that's disgusting!" Motoko shrieks, and then Akito abruptly wheels around, says they're leaving right this minute, if he has to look at these disgusting freaks another second he will puke. And because Akito said so, they go. Tohru doesn't even have time to speak to Hana and Uo, she sees them heading for her but she has no choice, she's got to do what Aki wants her to.

---------

Later, Tohru sits by herself in Yuki's room and cries. He's not there, he said he needed a sane opinion on Akito and so he sought out Kagura. They are sitting in the kitchen talking shit about him, making up lies and exaggerating truths for the sake of their mutual anger. And sometimes, speaking the most searing truths in their arsenal. Tohru's heard all this, it kills her but she doesn't take it to heart. Right now she's still upset she didn't graduate, that all she has to show for all her years in school is a shrieking baby, a dying fiancé. Who is evil and insane according to Kagura and Yuki-kun. Okay, maybe she does take it to heart a little bit.

Akito wheels in furiously, face wet and shriveled like he's just thrown up. "Hi," he says. "Hi," she says, and the pleasantries stop right there, Akito slaps her, Taeko shrieks instead of her. "What are you crying about?" he demands, any sympathy he might feel crushed to death by his own self-pity. "Today's supposed to be a _happy _day, isn't it? Wonderful, special little Yuki-kun finally graduated. Isn't that supposed to be _great?" _

"Yes, yes it is, of course I'm happy for him I just…" Tohru stops, takes a few ragged breaths and hold her baby closer. "It's just that I…I wanted to…I wanted to graduate, too. I promised my mother I would and…" She brings her hands to her face to catch the tears and rub the injury. She says nothing of what else she feels, the humiliation of being with him and the baby, the pain of losing Kyo.

"So what?" Akito snaps. "Even if you don't get some shiny piece of paper saying you're done with school, you still _went. _Up until recently, you had a completely normal life, you had a _future. _You still do, you can get your goddamn GED or you can stay back a grade. Somebody else will watch the brat. Me, I _never _got to go to school. Maybe for a week before they realized I was too sick and too crazy. And there was no point anyway, because I was just going to die. I've never had a future, never had a normal life. You do and you have, so what the hell are you sobbing about?"

Tohru stares at him, speechless. She knows her tragedy pales in comparison, but that doesn't mean it doesn't make her sad. Her parents died, that's what this is tied up in, doesn't that earn her _something _on the misery scale? And why is this a competition? Why does Akito have to have it worse than everybody else? She opens her mouth to question this, to apologize for making a scene, say _something, _but this gets him on the defense, Aki says "don't speak. I don't want to hear excuses for your disgusting behavior. Don't think I've forgotten your failure with Kagura. I haven't said anything because it's Yuki's graduation, and I have _some _respect for him, _some _self-control. But don't think you will come away from this unscathed."

And with that he takes his leave, Tohru thinking that's a total lie, the man has no self-control at all. Tohru thinking that she or her daughter will soon be killed.

---------

Nana: And there you have it, chapter eight. One of the most difficult things I've ever written in my life. Hopefully it turned out alright despite my difficulties, and once again I'm sorry for taking so spectacularly long. Better late than never, I suppose? I will not make any guarantees about the next chapter—I intend to write it, but I don't know how long it will take, and I don't want to keep anyone waiting.


End file.
